24 May 2009
it's my fault again... my fault for keeping the child like you ask me to, for being unhappy with the way things turns out, for voicing out my thoughts, my displeasure. you always point out my wrong, but did you think about wad lead me to saying things that are unpleasant to your ears? did you think about wad you said that lead me to thinking things that are the opposite to wad you actually meant?
personally, i think that all that you've mentioned when you're voicing out your displeasure, you just want me to change till like your boss, Chris's wife... 'tho you always say you don't want me to change you anything. if you don't want me to change, why do you always tell me wad you're unhappy with? you said you are always the one calling me till you feel fucking frustrated.. den don't bother calling me! ever thought about why i didn't call you when you're working? reason being simply cus i don't want to disturb you when you're working and whenever i call you, talk halfway, got disconnected! i got frustrated about it too! so might as well i let you call me when the network's better or when you're free! that's wrong too?! that's my fault too?!
you're comparing me with others which i don't like and i have never ever compared you to other guys and criticise/blamed you for things... i can simply abort, to quote your words, our flesh and blood and ignore your pleas to keep it. i am having a hard enough time to keep it and change my free and easy lifestyle to something restrained and constricted! you keep saying that you understand/know how hard is it for me, how difficult is it for me, but in fact, you do not understand/know it at all! if you know it, you would have understand me better...
you know wad, if it's really that difficult for you on your side, just forget about it. i'll just put it up for adoption.
02:49
12 May 2009
my birthday has just passed... spent half of the day at home... and the rest of the day outside... started my day by having a fight with that useless and lazy cousin.. followed by ruining my own make-up and spoiling my own day.. den went to suntec.. with bro and marcus.. went to eat korean food... play arcade... eat kenny rogers... and while at kenny rogers, i was concentrating on an intriguing conversation between two guys.. and i told marcus about it.. and he got jealous about it.. claimed that i was concentrating on them the whole time i'm eating, which is so not true.. i'm concentrating on my food which is totally normal.. just a passing remark that one of the guy just ORDed.. and he got pissed... which i totally don't understand why and see no logic to it.. if he were the one looking at a certain girl and made remarks about her, i won't get angry and in fact, i will just make comments about her and look at her together.. c'me on lahz!!! it's their conversation that i am always making remarks about lehx.. not the guy lehx... since you want to get jealous over this small thing, i also got nothing to say..
it's my birthday. what makes you think that i want to celebrate with your frens? you think i don't want to celebrate with my frens mehx? you think i know your frens very well mehx? you think i clique with them mehx? you think i don't even want to celebrate my birthday at all mehx? i am helping you save money lorx... i keep it to myself for wad? just so i want you to feel better and think that i really don't want to celebrate! for wad i think so much for you? change so much for you? for myself arhz? or to make you feel better?
fuck it lahz.. i say so much also no use.. you also won't change! everything is forever my fault.. i keep quiet, never make a big fuss, also my fault.. keep my temper in check also my fault.. choose not to talk to you in case i throw my temper at you also my fault.. everything is my fault.. you've got no fault at all!
00:42
