mummy, i'm really sorry for putting tattoo without asking you. i don't mean to hurt you and make you cry. when i was considering putting a tattoo. i know you would be upset, but i didn't realise that i would hurt you so much. so much that you ran away from me crying. i know this hurt.. but i did not realise it hurt so much for you. it just hurts on my skin but it hurts on your heart. i'm sorry mum. i'm really sorry. while writing this, i;m crying. i just hope that you wouldn't be too angry with me. i will go away for a few days, to let you cool down. i hope you will go to bro's birthday bbq. cus if before then i don't have a chance to sit down and talk to you nicely, that will be a chance for me and you to do so. i have my reasons to put a tattoo also. after so many years, i'm really tired and i know i can't break down. having this tattoo really means alot to me. it will reminds me of how i've overcame so much and become a stronger person. i really hope you will understand. i love you mum. and please don't be angry with me...

I LOVE YOU MUM

14:33

sometimes in life, humans are really weird. the things that they themselves feel that it's weird, they don't allow others to do. it's like i want to put a tattoo.. but den again SMC doesn't like his gf to have a tattoo and that he feel that it's a big difference in appearance to him and he feels that it's weird to see his gf with tattoo. yet, he himself wants to put a tattoo. and only allows me to put when he has done so. it's like so WTF! i mean come on lahz! sooner or later, i'm going to have a tattoo. so what's wrong with having a tattoo now? what is the difference? ask him to give me a good reason why i can't put a tattoo now, he says it's weird and cus he doesn't have one. so it's like... dots... anyway, i went ahead to put one ignoring his threats and stuffs that shit ass does or says. it's a cinderella standing infront of a castle with a trace of stars/glitters (whatever you call it) at the bottom.. it's in black and white. it's really nice.. though i've put emla 5% cream before the artist tattoo for me, it still hurts cus i didn't put it really long.. hahas.. the picture's not complete yet, so i'm not going to post it.. when it's completed, i'll post it so no worries.. hahas..

kenneth's solomnisation today.. out of the blue, i became his wife bridesmaid. was told that all the ladies there are wearing white.. bought a black dress for it, but it seems like i bought the wrong dress.. so got SMC to get me Daniel Yam's white dress, shawl and a bracelet. thought the bracelet wasn't what i've imagined, but i'm glad that it looks good with the dress and the shawl. and it seems like it's a great combination with my gold heels from U.R.S.. hahas.. reach Marriot Hotel at around 8a.m. and was damn sleepy lahz.. ended up drinking perrier to wake myself up and be ready at the Reception for the guest to come in and sign on the guest book.. not much guest, just some close frens of his and the bride's family.. hahas.. will post photos in the next post. i promise. the bride and groom was drunk before 12nn.. hahas.. first time see newly wed couple so fast drunk de.. but den again, the peoples that came are like so super good drinker lahz.. hahas..the bride damn cute when she's drunk lahz... hahas.. hmmm.... very very tired le.. be awake first time in my life for more den 12 hours.. hahas...

00:17

just FYI again, now you are the one giving me that FUCKING ATTITUDE that you are talking about! like what i've said, i didn't do anything wrong! so what if i hang out with guys that likes me and are wooing me?! and why the FUCK should i answer your questions?! when you didn't even answer mine?! does it matter if i still miss him or not?! I DON'T THINK SO!

i would say you want to break up is 'cause that these 2 days to be exact, you are showing me that! think of the last sms you sent me yesterday! if i were the one who tells you that, would you think of the same thing?!

12:42

first of all, the qualifications i was talking about in my previous entry wasn't the paper qualifications. it was meant to be like some sort of rights that you assumed that you have. so what if i hang out with guys all the time? i'm already so 'boy' le.. and out of 100 of my frens, i dare say that there's like 90 of them are guys. so what? am i suppose to actually hang out with that 10 girls ONLY? NO WAY DUDE! my life will be like so boring and doing girlie stuffs which i hate! i like my life to be exciting. i like the feeling of don't know what's coming up next. i don't like to do mundane stuffs like doing what i always do in everyday. i.e: repeating what i do.

that also means that i don't like to repeat my words. i DID NOT control you. if i did, i would have read your sms-es and screen thru your calls. if you DO NOT trust me, den for what do you want to continue this RELATIONSHIP? there's no point isn't it? Look, i'm also a human being. i DO NOT like to REPEAT myself. I NEED MY FREEDOM! I NEED TO BE ALLOWED TO DO EVERYTHING THAT I LIKE AND LOVE. yes, it's true that if it's not for you, i would not have discover more joy to living.

i know that being in a RELATIONSHIP, we have to compromise. but think again, have i ever NOT compromise to the things that you like to do or how you carry yourself? i allowed you to do everything that you like, have i ever said NO to you to the things that you like? NO! NEVER!

think about it again, i'm not sure whether i want to go to your BRO'S wedding with you. i don't even know what's going to happen to us. so if you want to end it, PLEASE go ahead! i wouldn't mind neither would i give a damn about it. i'll be real cool and end it if you does.

11:58

i don't know why are you angry with me. i only know that i wasn't drunk last night. yes, i didn come home late. you did say that you will wait for me to be home before sleeping. but when i'm home, you have already slept. i don't know what else you want me to do. you don't want me to drink so much. i already ddn't drink so much. i was feeling low and i was feeling frustrated. but yet, you did not wanto leave me alone. what more do you want me to do when i'm feeling frustrated? i can't go skate at night. you do not allow me to go anywhere alone. i'm not even allowed to go out with my frens. it's like so WTF! when you are around my place or around me, i tried my very best to refrain from meeting my frens. for who am i doing that? for who exactly?! i don't like you to put tattoo, but den you just went ahead to put. i don't know what else can i do. i'm like so fucking frustrated already. since you said there's a limit to your patience, den i just assume that you have reach your limit le lorx. den so be it lahz.. just fucking break up lahz! i don't give a damn. so now that i've seen that new tattoo. i don't feel that it's nice or what. in fact, it's quite ugly and difficult to digest. i don't want you sleeping on my bed tonight. i don't want you to dirty my bed. so just sleef on the floor with the mattress. i'm so pissed off with you. i don't know what's wrong or what. then, ou jsut throw your fucking temper at me. it's like really, so WTF!

18:21

you are so possesive. you are so demanding. you are so curious. you are turning into someone who i cannot live with anymore. i can't stand the way you continue doing things that i dislike and doing things that i hate. you are not telling me anything, leaving me hanging there. though i'm as curious as you, i gave you time. i gave you time to work your problems out and tell me when you are done. i gave you time to cool down and talk to me again when you are done. i'm zero-retarded tolerance de. but i've put up with all your nonsensical nonsenses. i've put with all your retardedness you display. yes, i know you are trying to cheer me up, trying to help me solve my problems. i'm grateful for it. but i'm just like you, i don't wanto burden other people about my own personal stuffs. there's nothing wrong with that, yet we are always quarreling over these kind of stuffs. which is so unhealthy. i'm getting really sick of see-ing you, hanging around me all the time. get a life! stop being so possesive. yes, in the past you wasn't so possesive. in the past i also don't need so much freedom arhz.. but now, i'm grown up, i have my own circle of frens that i hang out with. I AM NOT OBLIGATED TO HANG AROUND YOU ALL THE TIME. NEITHER AM I OBLIGATED TO ALLOW YOU TO STICK TO ME ALL THE TIME. i need my space to do the things i like. you DO NOT have any reason to control what i do and what i don't. you DO NOT have the qualifications to actually control me also! so what if i drink alot? so what if i intend to hurt myself? so what if i ended up in hospital? does it even concerns you? even if i die, you also can't do anything isn't it? i am me. i need FREEDOM. it's my life. i choose how i want to live it. you have totally NO rights to control me.

P.S: not referring to anyone right here. just my thoughts and feeling.

14:30

3 days of chinese new year.. doing nothing much.. just eating everywhere i go.. visit relatives and frens.. saw my cousins.. long time didn't see them le.. all change so much le.. becoming more and more prettier and handsome.. some of them even got married already.. was surprise lahz.. lol.. ate alot these few days.. now put on so much weight le.. hahas.. didn't really know what to say lorx.. this year is just another normal CNY for me.. sianz...

23:22

was raining yesterday.. was home basically the whole day.. was forced to go out in the evening when i don't feel like going out.. sianz.. met up with that arsehole a.k.a ming chuan a.k.a smc.. went to bugis to do my nails.. now i've got pretty nails.. hahas..den went to acid bar with him.. listened to him talk about a BIMBO named Kimberly.. that's such a bimbo name.. no wonder all girls by that name are all BIMBOS! wakakaka.. she told him that she loves him, and he's telling me all that.. it's like so what lorx.. how can a bf tells a gf or even someone he loves all these things.. telling is alright.. the thing i'm pissed about is that he is asking me for advic e! that is like so over the line. and 2 nights ago, he was drunk at home and that BIMBO called him.. told him loads of stuffs that BIMBOS always talk about.. just in case you guys don't know, it's those kinda mushy mushy stuffs.. like i love you so much and i really need you in my life. that's so mushy lahz! plus her dad owns a certain factory located in singapore. not really sure about what her family business is in.. but i know that she got the da xiao jie temper lorx.. i'm not going to upload her pics here as it'll only pollute my blog.. lol.. she's like so fat lahz!! 2 of my arms = 1 of her arm. can imagine? that's like so gross lahz! and i thought about it.. i compared myself with her.. physical appearance.. i can eat 5 full meals a day, throw in the tidbits, and i can't get fat. she can't. she can't eat tidbits, she can't eat fatty stuffs, she can't eat loads of cheese! i can and i stay this size.. i can cut through crowds without any problems, i believe she can't and when she tries, she's going to knock everybody down! wahahaha.. this is really evil of me.. hahas.. and her face!! ughh!!! i can't bring myself to describe it.. if i do, i think my com will crash! hahas.. hmmm.. he agreed to be with her when he was drunk.. and he don't know how to settle it and was asking me the solution to it just yesterday.. it's like so what lahz!! i'm like so fucking pissed and i can't throw my temper.. you know that kinda feeling? so sucks de lahz!!!

this is really like so CRAP! just stop asking me all those questions that i'm in no positions to answer lahz!

01:06

who take this siaZ? me!!! so cute right? candid shot!! im reading a mag my beautiful leg.. hehe.. me!!! at cafe del moar

11:16

went sentosa yesterday.. got up at around 8.30am.. pack my stuffs den went off le.. at around 9am..went causeway point mac to eat.. so full.. haha.. den off we head to sentosa.. btw, i was with baby jeremy to sentosa.. den reach there at around noon.. sun tanned for awhile den rain le.. sucks lahz.. end up sitting at cafe del moar for the whole day.. drinking.. caught in the rain.. kinda sick.. hmmm.. that's how i spend my day yesterday lorx.. kinda sianz..

10:41

Bienvenida! Hi, this is a blog regarding my life. If you ain't happy with what you're seeing, Please feel free to click on the 'x' button at the top right hand corner of your screen. And please refrain from dissing. Other than these, Please enjoy your stay here! =)

Queen Sammi
Complicated with a touch of Simplicity