15:05

JB, KL, Genting, Malacca. these are the places that i've mange to go to within 2 days. it's actually 3 days. but considering the fact that 2 out of these 3 days are only half day, so i just conclude that i spent 2 days to go these 4 places. though it's a rushed trip, but at least i enjoyed myself. well, the only thing that i'm unhappy with is that this trip is TOO rushed le. and that i've got a weak stomach so i can't realy eat spicy and dirty (unhygenic) food. well.. but i ate some.. and since i came back to singapore, i've been running to the loo for at least, get it clear, AT LEAST 3 times a day.. haha.. so much for being a glutton. lol.. hmm.. bought quite a number of ornaments, and didn't really have the chance to take pictures as my HP was low on batt and ET's HP's camera was abit on the cranky side. i managed to sneak into the casino and win abit when we were up on genting. it was a truly great and knowledgeable experience. although in my mind, all i can recall were eating, sleeping, eating, sleeping. cus i was just too damn tired after a night's worth of work being done and so ya.. did lose my temper a number of time on baby ET, but i don't really mean it. i was just too tired to be woken up so many times. and i just simply hate it.. just like him.. do not like to be disturb when he's sleeping. so yah.... well... at the end of the trip, i really enjoyed myself. and i hope to do this one more time even if it means each time i do it i'm going to come back home with aches all over my body.

14:42

sometimes i just feel like being alone. ignoring everybody's pressing questions. there are works to be done, things to be done. but i just need some time alone. read somebody's blog, feels so upset. although that person may or may not mean anything to me. but still he's a friend. i' just wondering, what went wrong or what did i do wrong. why does things turns out the way it shouldn't be. i'm just so curious. did i cock up somewhere in my life? so why does things turn out the way it does? haiz.... i really don't know what to do. i wanto be alone. but i can't find the time to be alone. i want someone to be there for me, but i want to be alone. i'm really confuse. i really don't know what to do. is there someone who can really guide me to the tunnel of light? i hate to be in this situation. i hate to feel this way. i don't like to be feeling this way. i really hate it. i don't want to feel this way. i really hope to find the way of light. i want to say all the things in my heart in my blog but there are just some stuffs from the bottom of my heart that i can't express here. moreover i can't express myself well also. i really have no outlet to show my displeasure already. i don't do sports, i don't drink as much as before, i don't club as much as before, i don't do anything else. to stop myself from thinking, i sleep. sleeping is in fact a waste of time, i don't like it. but i've got no where else to give out all my extra energy. i love working, but it's just that my time is turning the other way round le. i find it difficult to find a day time job. it's not i don't want to find a job, it's not i lazy. but........ haiz.......... no longer knows what i want.

02:41

girl loves boy. boy loves girl. end of post.

08:22

21/11/2007 here i am.. sitting infront of the computer again.. pouring my heart out.. first thing first.. i'm so happy today.. why? you may ask.. i'm always grumbling about things and such.. but today i'm not even grumbling.. in fact i'm gonna share happy things with my precious and obedient blog.. reason being because baby gave in to me and i went to fish for prawns.. after an hour or so, i caught.................................. only 1 prawn... first prawn of my life... so happy lahz.. but the thing is that, after that prawn that i caught, i didn't caught anything.. not even when i use the net.. haha.. so yahz.. i'm so happy.. the second thing is that i said alot of heart felt words to baby even though i sounds contradicting.. haha.. why i would say my heart felt words to him is cus he ask me certain questions so i just answered him which is my heart felt answers.. so yahz... baby, there's alot of things that i wanna tell you but i don't know where to start. please don't come asking me why i love you and such. i don't know why. but it's just the feeling that i have towards you are really strong. i don't know how to explain myself or express myself when i'm with you. but i really do love you alot. although i told you before that you look like who or who and behaves like so and so. but i don't love you for behaving like them or even looking like them or having the same qualities that they have. i just love your eyes, your nose, your lips, the shape of your face and everything about you. i love the way you sweep me off my feets just by looking at me with those charming eyes of yours. i love the way you give me the kind of cheecky smile that only you have with your beautiful lips which will melt my heart and put a smile into my face no matter how rotten my day was or how rotten people treat me. i simply... adore you.. i love the way you YO with me, i love the way you sigh nai with me. i love the way you make me do things which i said i won't do before. i love the way you make me feel the way i feel when i said before that i wouldn't feel before. i love the way you light up my life making me change for the better. i love the way you make me feel. BABY, I LOVE YOU

07:27

wahz!!! so fast is the 10th entry le... didn't realise it at all.. sick, work, sleep.. 20/11/2007 was like so freaking sick.. then jez called me at the eleventh hour and asked me to go down help her work.. claiming that there's alot of people.. went down, realise that there was like only 3 tables and 3 person in the front bar.. was kinda pissed.. but saw jeremy, juneil they all.. so yahz... not really that pissed anymore... find that june (juneil for short) is like a two headed snake.. bitch about jez infront of me, yet treat jez so good.. maybe she didn bitch about me infront of jez also.. well.. in a matter of speaking, there's no way a person would know whether the other party did bitch about you or not unless, the third party tells you about it.. am i right or am i right? went home at 2am.. work for like 3 hours.. like that she also 'shuang'.. is really like so what the fuck lahz.. went home.. having fever.. took one panadol, go sleep.. toss and turn, can't sleep.. so ended up thinking about stuffs till i sleep lorx.. well, that's what i always do.. anyway, i only think about stuffs that needed my attention not so urgently when i'm about to sleep.. or i'll just close my eyes and imagine staring into space and gradually fall asleep... so yahz....

07:11

heard that his ex gf talked to him yesterday in the office. feels kinda pissed off at her. agreed to stop contacting him but still talks to him. stop contacting means no contact at all. even face to face talk also not allowed. went to amk hub today with him to change some ppc cards. then saw ah ting, but don't know why she wanto act like she didn't saw us at all. then went to balestier shopping centre to catch saw IV. damn gross yet nice. went across the road to eat bak kut teh. damn nice lahz.. just reach home not long ago only. went to the market this morning to get some stuffs for cooking porridge. came home. settled the thingy. can't sleep. so here i am writing my blog. recently abit short of money. don't know why either. been downloading my game for 1 week yet, haven't download finish. damn my brother for not downloading it for me every time he uses the computer. damn sianz de lahz. now only downloaded like 69.1%. still a long way to go lahz.. haiz..

08:49

went clubbing last night.. was so happy.. got myself got bloody drunk.. happy in the sense whereby, i danced to the mambo music and to the RnB music.. haha..... danced till i don't feel my feet hurts or my body aching... puked alot.. like i think 3 times? puked till i've got nothing left in my stomach to puke.. puke till i puked out my own gastric juice.. i guess what i had for breakfast(instant noodles) are making my stomach feverishly digesting it to make up for what i puke last night.. went to hotel to sleep.. cause i don't want my mother to see me so bloody drunk.. once is enough.. only once she saw me drunk, she nagged at me for like whole 2 damn days.. which actually spoilt my day.. i guess you knows how that actually feel.. slept for like 2 hours.. then, woke up, stormed to the bathroom.. drank like 1 litre of water.. haha...... so freaking thirsty.... i don't know why my body is reacting this way... but i guess ET got the answers that he wants.... i don't know what i said or what i did... i only know he carried me up the carpark stairs and i'm like so dead, so heavy.. haha...... but i'm really so freaking heavy lahz.. even i myself feel that i'm so bloody heavy when i'm walking myself... hmmm.. just finish eating, and i already feel like puking.. but my stomach just stubbornly stopping my body from rejecting the food.. i guess it's cause it need the energy from the food to continue letting me type out this 'happy' blog of mine.. this is like the first time that i'm actually telling something happy in my blog.. haha.... but really, truely.... I AM JUST SO HAPPY!!!!

10:23

i don't know why i'm actaully feeling this way. but it's really scaring me. i don't know myself anymore. i don't know anything about myself anymore. i don't know wad else to do. i actaully felt something that i have not felt before. like a sudden stab of jealousy in my chest just by looking at some photos. like my chest is crashing in, can't breath, can't talk. it really hurts. truely. no idea why or how or what made me feel this way but i just know that this is really really scaring me. i'm losing myself. slowly but torturing and painfully. it really sucks. i want to numb myself from all these feelings. i want to stop myself feeling this way. but i've got no idea how to go about doing it. if only i can numb myself from all these feelings, if only i could stop myself feeling this way, if only..... then, i won't be feeling so vexed right now. so frustrated. so many penned up anger. so......................... i'm so totally speechless............... i'm just not totally me. like so totally...............

17:05

haha.... 6.08 in the morning. you must be thinking, why in the world did i wake up so early. well... it's not that i just woke up. it's i haven't even slept a wink yet. been working at double c for like how long? 4 days.... supposed to be working yesterday(thursday) at 9pm. but cus of bf i didn't work.. going to get his birthday present today. but he didn't see any that he likes. so end up doing nothing the whole day. well.... not really nothing lahz.. more of like woke up at 2.30pm. but ended up going out at 6.30pm. haha... went to his house for him to get changed and i went to shop around at Compass Point for his belt. then he came to look for me after he changed. was damn hungry lahz... got some bites then we went to my house nearby coffeeshop to get spring chicken for dinner. thought my younger brother went out with my mummy. but when i reached home, he's at home. he just refused to go out with my mum to have dinner. the 3 of us shared the spring chicken and had quite a nice dinner although it was simple. hmmm.... went to shower, came over to bf house to stay overnight. then now i can't get to sleep as i don't have my 'chou chou'. hehe.... so here i am.... writing shit stuffs in my blog. going to have a long day tomorrow(friday). i have work tomorrow night. but because of baby, i can't really work. have to pushed it off. intending to give some stupid excuses. like family matters to attend to and stuffs like that. so now no money to use, can't work, can only wait till saturday. when i'm actually working. monday, i've got a photoshoot. hopefully everything goes well. so that i don't have to retake. have to bring quite a number of stuffs. E.G: CLOTHES laughing out loud. hopefully by then, i can actually get to see my wonderful photos and be made into a portfolio. hur hur...... okay lahz... don't wanto write too much also. have to sleep le... the sleepiness kick in liaoz... haha.... night night!!! muacks

06:07

just hanged up with my bestie. talk about the problems that i have. think about it now i just feel that there really is too much ongoing problems at hand with you. might be because i started working at a pub. se-rious-ly speaking, if you talked to me nicely, asked me nicely to quit working at the pub for you, i wouldn't mind. i just don't want us to be having so much problems everyday. to discuss these kinda problems everyday. it will shorten our lives. remembered when we promise each other that we will be together like Adam Sandlers song? grow old together, compromising each other in everyway or another? i want that to come true to us. i don't want us to be another normal bickering couple which people will think, hey! this couple is the same as other. i want us to always be sweet and nice and a couple which people will think, hey! this couple is so sweet together. so envy yet so jealous. why can't my bf or gf treat me the same? i want us to be the type of couple where people see le will envy yet brings abit of jealous. like what you said before. i want to work in a pub cus i can forget my problems while working momentarily. not cus i enjoy working there. being with you, spending time with you, also makes me forget about my problems and troubles. but i still prefer working, as i can earn money and also get tired at the same time. whereby i reach home, i'll just sleep and have no strength to carry on thinking. being with you will not make me earn, instead i'll spend. and i don't get tired easily. whereby i reach home, i'll still lay on bed and think. it's not that i don't wanna celebrate this 2 month anniversary with you, it's just that you've got your work commitments, i've got my work commitments. if you really want me to quit my job, tell me nicely. and give me a solution to my financial problems. then i'll willingly quit for you. Baby ET, I Love You.

04:38

why can't he just bloody understand what im doing is also in a way or another what he wants me to do too? he wants me to get a 9am to 5pm office job. i got a 9pm to 5am pub job. is that wrong? let's face it, looking for a 9am to 5pm job is not as easy as it sounds. you need at least a cert and some basic skills. i have the skills but i don't have the cert. so what if i have the skills but i don't have the cert? i still can't get the stupid 9am to 5pm office job lorx. it's just a matter of time that i'll get it. i also know how to get it. but the thing i can do right now is to wait for my Ns result to come out. to get the bloody cert then start finding the bloody job. so tell me... how am i suppose to find a 9am to 5pm office job without a cert? even idiots also knows that office jobs looks into how much bloody certs, Dr., Ph., or whatever shit you have. not just depending on skills. yes, you work in a coffeeshop, they will look into how well you make the coffee, how fast you can serve or even how loud you can shout. the better you are the higher your pay. not looking into your bloody certs. they may even tell you, you can throw away your cert cus we don't look into certs. tell me, am i not right?

00:28

feeling: not so empty right now, got myself at least a 'lil nearer to the right track. just came back from double c. drank quite a bit. but still don't feel anything yet. had a talk to someone. cus he said he wanto be a listening ear. and e talk back. i want a listening ear whereby the ear doesn't talk but just listen quietly. just like this pretty 'lil blog of mine. feels much better right now. thought about alot of things today. like wad happened recently. i think i've done some really terrible things to a guy. like insulting him but not with words. with my actions i did that. kinda regret it. cus after i did that i just lost a good friend totally. although he treats me with so much care and concern which a friend is not suppose to. but.... oh well.... what's done cannot be undone. what can i do now except for cherishing everything that i have right now. having what, i don't want to mention here in case the wrong eye reads this. *not referring to anybody, but... well.. you know* finding that my life is a laughing stock. as in the way i handle my own life. i just let everything that happens to my life took total control of it. which is something i've done terribly wrong which leds to so much of the trouble in my life. ohh well.... people tends to make mistakes. it's just how are you going to learn from it. for now, i'll just take it that life or rather GOD is trying to teach me some things which will equip me in dealing with life in the future. QUOTE TO OWNSELF: LEARN FROM MISTAKES AND TRY TO READ WHAT IS GOD TRYING TO TEACH ME. GRIT MY OWN TEETH AND FACE IT STRONGLY [direct translation from chinese].

03:56

feeling empty, lost. didn't tell me everything that i need to know. let slip of it last night when we touch on the subject of her. why must he keep things from me? ask him to tell me everything about her, he just said can we forget about it and enjoy together tonight? i shrugged it off. he must be thinking that i will forget after that night. but till now, i'm still thinking of it. i won't stop asking till i got my answer. realise that they worked in the same office. so that means that they can actually see each other everyday. although he says that they dun work in the same office, she is not under him and they dun see each other everyday. haiz.... feeling so insure. just ask him wad is happening between them both. he just said nothing. they are friends only. but how can you be friends with your own ex who is still clutching to the hope that both of you will be back together again? so many things happen recently. i just don't know how much more i can take.

18:52

Bienvenida! Hi, this is a blog regarding my life. If you ain't happy with what you're seeing, Please feel free to click on the 'x' button at the top right hand corner of your screen. And please refrain from dissing. Other than these, Please enjoy your stay here! =)

Queen Sammi
Complicated with a touch of Simplicity