05 December 2007
untitled 20
sometimes, your heart tells you to do something. but, when you really go and do it. your heart tells you 'hey girl! this feels weird. can you just stop doing this?' and then you will be like talking back to your heart 'hey heart! this is what you ask me to do and now you are contradicting yourself. is this even right logically?'
you know, sometimes we humans are also so contradicting. always contradicting ourselves. be it our actions or our words or even our feelings. so what shoud we do? 18 years old right now (18 years, 6 months and 23 days old to be exact). what am i doing? what have i achieved? nothing. YES, you didn't read it wrong, it's N-O-T-H-I-N-G NOTHING! well.. maybe not that worst. at least i did try to support my family with my own bear hands at the age of 17. but that lasted for like only 1 year. so yahz.... that doesn't sound too bad, does it? now, i'm trying to do what i did before, be who i am before. be the strong Sammi that doesn't let anything gets into her way or make her fall. but, at this time, is it really so easy? is that really so simple as to type these words out and doing it? no!! i know that too. first of all, i'm going to find a job, a day job this time round. secondly, i'm going to start saving up. lastly (and hopefully), save my relationship and make it a relationship that everyone would envy, jealous of and even hope to have. i've took the first step to change. that is to wake up earlier then the previous day and send out as many resume as i can without getting my fingers cramp. but so far, think about it, this is the only step i can do right now.
Brain,'Hey Sam! what nonsense are you talking about?! of course this is currently, read it carefuly, CURRENTLY the only thing that you could do right now!'
Me,' ohh.. yah..well.. just let me be crazy and nonsense for now can?!'
so yah.. this is the conversation that i'm having with my brainy brain brain right now.
well, what happened to all the promises that we've made for each other? what happened to all the deals that we had? what happened to us? what happened to this relationship? what has caused it break, to have torn is all apart? what had actually happened?
Fuck, i'm thinking again.. i'm getting myself hurt again.. i'm getting EMO again..
well.. i guess this is the cue for me to stop writing already.
talk to you next time..
cheers...
01:03