Old Boring Married Princess

2011-08-25T12:05:00.002+08:00

Just another day in the office..

Been doing lots of reading on marketing...

Been very long since i last update my blog...

Shifted house, have not get around to unpacking my stuffs yet, and work work work..

Kinda loving my new life with minimum alcohol involved.

Catch up soon! :)

2011-05-02T08:29:00.000+08:00

My birthday is coming! There's so many birthdays on the month of April and may! So many celebrations in the office! Hah! And mine is gonna be one of them.. But.... How am I going to celebrate my birthday? I don't wanna go drink, I just want a simple dinner.. But, my colleagues, they want to drink... Hmm... So any advice on how I should go about it? Life in Appco is one of the best, I see myself growing and getting better at the things that I do. But anyway, I just came back from hong kong recently too.. Been there for 2 weeks for business trip.. Here's updates...! I'll post up my hong kong pictures real soon.. As I'm not on my computer now but on my iPad! Woohoo! Birthday wishes will be having an iPad 2, iPhone 4gs white and probably a new tailor made suit. Nice ya? I do hope my buddy and bro will get me the iPad 2 and iPhone 4gs white. As for the tailor made suit, I'm planning to get it myself as a reward for myself and a birthday gift for myself. I love birthdays! XOXO Sammi

2011-03-08T19:51:00.001+08:00

I Love Jessica!!!

Rally!

2011-02-18T01:31:00.000+08:00

Going up to KL later for Rally on Sat!!! My life rock max without him! HAHA! I have to like wake up at 3.45am to give my team members a morning call! HAHA!

It's time for me to take up some responsibilities now. After what my BM have told me, I realize that for me to climb to greater heights, I'll have to take up responsibilities and start training myself to be on time, to start training people and to get my sales right.

It hasn't been a really good week, but.... Nevertheless, I have passed my driving test! I have a driving license now! This is like the second awesome thing that happen to me this year! The first awesome thing is that I decide to join Appco. This is like the best company anyone can have! They teach you basically every thing that you have to know and provides intensive training Every. Single. Day. Fantastic or not?!

Gotta leave my mark here now, so that I can catch some wink.

XOXO,

Sammi

Happy Chinese New Year!

2011-02-02T08:24:00.001+08:00

It's the Chinese New Year! And guess what?! I am not going to let myself get affected by this 'Gentleman' for the next few days! It's wednesday today and I am off till Sunday! Long holiday!!! Muahahahahahah....!!!! I am going to bring my kids out to visiting relatives and friends! Hah! Had a quarrel with this 'gentleman', and he said that on the first day of CNY, thursday, he's going to bring the kids to his mum's place. And I said that I want to go too, and he said that I can't go and am not allowed to. I asked for the reason why, and he said that she's going to be there and it'll be awkward! So I told him to ask her to fuck off and he said can't do it. But his mum want to see my kids. So I said no way are they going without me and he was so fucking pissed! This may sound abit sadist, but I feel happy that he is angry! Angry that he cannot bring the kids over!

Hahahahs...! Forced him into a corner! *pat myself at the back* well done Sammi!

XOXO SAMMI

Many Gratitudes to those who are my readers

2011-01-16T21:16:00.000+08:00

Hey Peeps,

I may be addressing an empty audience (that's how I feel all the time when I write in my blog), but I would still like to thank the peoples that actually take a minute out of your time to read those mundane posts and leave a comments. Those comments really made my day. You guys, have no idea how your comments are actually making me feel. I feel touched, warm and fuzzy inside when I read your comments.

I LOVE YOU GUYS!

But a few questions keep running inside my head when I read the comments. That is, how did you all come about my blog, how did you all feel when you read those posts, how does it speaks to you, and are you all going through similar happenings?

Mind sharing? I don't mind reading lengthy posts!

Cheers!

XOXO,
SAMMI

2011-01-16T21:05:00.000+08:00

It's the start of a New Year. And thank you very much for the well wishes and loves, but all these comes with disappointment also.

Not to mention my many thanks to this certain Gentleman who has successfully turned my life upside down with this certain Lady.

I have no idea how to penned out my hatred for these 2 persons. They are the worst persons that I've ever seen in my entire life. When I hear of their news and such, or even when I see them, I feel so disgusted by them. I feel like puking out my last meal even when I'm writing this. They are the worse, worst than any murderer, and criminal convicts. The hatred is so deep that I can dream of killing them, so deep that I can watch gross movies and I don't feel a single shit, just hope that they are the ones who have to go through with the 'lessons' a.k.a 'trap'.

Anyway, away with those bad feelings, I have good news for all of you out there who are reading. I've got a job. Yes, after 2 fucking wasted years and effort in trying to fulfill every single whim and shit that this certain Gentleman throws at me, which, I, only know about this 2 months back. It's a fucking joke!

Hey bitach, if you're reading this, you can go tell your adulterer that I AM FUCKING THE BOTH OF YOU HERE! RIGHT HERE, YES, IN MY BLOG!

XOXO,
SAMMI SIM
(Watch where you're going slut, I am keeping a close eye on the 2 of you. And may you burn forever in hell together when you all die!)

2010-12-15T02:00:00.000+08:00

seems like I'm not going to NYC anytime soon. Cuz I had a big fight with the partner. Things ain't so rosy currently. Fml x100000000 I don't know wad is the husband up to, neither do I know wad is the bf up to.

on a happy note, I'll be sticking around Singapore for quite awhile.. And Christmas is coming.!.!!!! Favourite season of the year.. The bf bought me an iPod touch 4gen and a iPhone4. An a iMac is on the way already..

love you guys max!!!!

2010-11-30T23:36:00.000+08:00

my days are okay... my nights... by far, the worst that i can feel.. i hate being lonely at night. i hate waking up in the middle of the night by nightmares and having no one to talk to and no one to hug.

where the fuck are you? where the fuck is my soulmate?

New York here I come

2010-11-28T00:08:00.000+08:00

Okay... Don't be jealous..! I am officially heading to New York for Christmas! Taking flight on 22nd Dec midnight! I know!!! How fucking cool is that?! After New York, I am heading to Milan, Paris for New Year then, imma shoot off to Berlin! This is so fucking cool can?! And I guess, I'll only be back on mid January! I am going on a back-packing trip! Wedding in Berlin to attend, LV boutiques in Milan to check out and..... *Drum rolls please.....* VS in New York, uptown Manhattan! Hah!

CNY is gonna be a whirlwind for me too!!! Japan, Hokkaido! Who can has snow on Christmas and CNY?! ME!!!!!

わたしわにほんじんじゃありませんですか?

I would rather be American!!!

XOXO,
Sammi <3

2010-10-24T13:45:00.000+08:00

I've been drinking everyday since Wednesday. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with our marriage. You said you are not in the wrong, but, 2 person in a relationship, when it fails, the failure must be caused by a reason and again, the reason caused by a person in the relationship. Since you said that you are not in the wrong, it's not wrong of me to assume that I am in the wrong instead, right? I asked you what did I exactly do wrong, you can't give me an answer. All you can say is that you didn't say that I am in the wrong either. Do you even know what is wrong in this relationship?! I asked for an explanation for your recent behavior, you can't give me one, not to say that you don't even bother to cook up a lie for me to excuse your behavior. I asked you a few questions, you can't even answer me one. You keep saying, since there's no way to resolve this, than let's just get a divorce. I asked you to apologize to me if you are sincere in me giving you another chance. But you said again that you are not in the wrong, so why should you apologize to me. I said, just take it that I asked you to apologize for even saying the word 'DIVORCE'. But you said that saying this is not wrong of you. WTF?!

You may be pressurized from your work and your mum. But that doesn't mean that you can take it out on me and just think that it's totally fine for you to do this. HELLO DUDE, I'M YOUR WIFE, NOT YOUR OUTLET FOR ANGER! It's just so not FUCKING fair!!! And when I do not allow you to just take it out on me, you said you want a GODDAMN DIVORCE!

Hey Marcus Wong, go ahead! Have a divorce with me! You will fucking regret it for the rest of your life. You know why?! Cus, you will move to your mum's place together with the maid and the kids. When the maid is there, your mum will DEFINITELY make her do housework. Nobody will then take care of your kids! Why? Cus your mum DO NOT know how to look after kids! And Zachery is a toddler now, Xeryl will soon become a playful girl. When your mum is not able to give them the attention they need, she will get frustrated from their crying. And when you go back home from work? Your precious mummy will take it out on you! And by then, you will REGRET that you ever divorce me! HAH!

Yes, I do speak confidently. I am very confident that you will be faced with this scenario in no time.

Do live comfortably in REGRET, Dude!

2010-10-11T01:58:00.000+08:00

Few days ago, I ask the husband what does he see 3 years down the road, be it family wise, kids, career, etc. He said he sees himself doing better than he is now, career wise. Kids, they will be obedient, and keen on studying. Family, if we're still together, we'll be much more loving than we are right now, if we're not, he don't see anything. Housing, he'll wants to stay in a condo by then. Parents, he will want his mum to be fit and healthy.

He asked me the same question. I said I don't know. He said I've got no aim in life.

2 days later, his friend asked me what kind of job I'm looking for. Where/what's my interest. I wanted to give him a really good answer, but when I opened my mouth to answer him, I realize that I don't know what's my interest, what I want to achieve in the job. I was baffled.

3 days later, I am still thinking about this 2 questions. And suddenly, something hit me from nowhere! I've been pregnant and been staying at home for the past 2 years. Which explains why I do not know the answers to these 2 questions! I've never thought about going out to the society to work when I was pregnant. All I wanted to do was to study and study. I guess it's also partly cause the husband does not wished for me to go out and work. And he's always telling me to go study and learn some technical skills. And perhaps, use the skill to start a business etc.

But, this doesn't answer the questions! I shall go think about it again. I'll blog another post once I've found my life goals.

Tata.. XOXO

2010-10-11T01:46:00.000+08:00

Why did you guys come back after so long? After you've figured out that I've grown stronger, I'm able to make things right and even much more better than what all of you have predicted, after I've picked myself up.

Are you guys even friends at all? Cause to me, friends don't dump friends when they are in their worst moment. Friends don't push friends into the furnace. Friends don't leave friends alone when they are faced with problems that are do or die.

I am cautious with who I mixed with now. I know a girl who is a party girl. But since she started her new job, she knew another girl. This new girl introduced her to drugs. Now, I've never seen her when she's not high. Whenever I go drink at this pub, I'll see her and her new friend together, without fail. Her friend will look super awake and she will be super high. Her friend does not bother about her, and, I don't know. I.. pity her.. Her friend doesn't give me good vibes, and... She just got stuck to this friend and dump her cousin. They used to be really close, as in, they have sleepovers, they do everything together. Once she made this new friend, she dump her cousin. I guess it's the drugs that are making her sticking to this new friend.

But, the cousin is still looking out for her without fail. I know it, and I like the cousin more than her. I do help to look out for her when she's drinking there and I happen to be there. I am not in close contact with her tho'.

So, shouldn't friends watch each other back, help them up when they're down? Say, even if friends have no means to help friends, shouldn't they just hug together and cry together and after crying, try to solve the problems together?

I used to have a few really good friends. I tell them every single thing that happened to me. They have very different personality, but they do have one thing in common, which pisses me off much, few years back. That one thing that they have in common is that they don't listen quietly for you to finish complaining, whining, whatever shit. They will interrupt your sentences with unasked advices. Ohh, and I was the one who introduced them to each other. After I got to know this certain guy and shit happens, I was forced to come to a decision which was a do or die situation. I was in a dilemma. I sought their help. They gave me the die decision. I can't make this decision as I was forced on the do decision. So, I ended up choosing the do decision.

In this kind of situation, what would true friends do? Wished their friends all the best? Or, just leave them till they decided to come back to you? Or, just disappeared without saying anything?

I am not blaming anyone on this, but as a friend, shouldn't you just accept who your friends choose to be with at the end of the day even if he/she made a wrong choice? How hypocritical is that? If I were in this situation as a friend of the 'victim', I will stay with him/her all the way. I wouldn't just disappear without saying anything even if I know that he/she is making a wrong choice in their partner. Yes, I would persuade them to leave their bf/gf, but if they choose not to, I will still stand by them no matter how much I dislike their partner.

Stop giving me stupid excuses. You come and leave as you please. What do you take me as?
I am what I am today, it's cause I believed in my husband, I know he can do it. I do have to thank you guys too, for letting me know that I shouldn't trust people easily no matter how close you are to them.

2010-09-26T07:57:00.001+08:00

I hate it when you are behaving this way. I want the old you back. I
want when you do really show care and concern from your heart. I don't
want you to show care and concern just cus you feel responsible for
me.

Isit really that hard?!

2010-09-26T07:53:00.001+08:00

You used to be able to please me. You used to be able to soothe me.
You used to be able to make me stop crying. You used to run after mr
when I run away. You used to apologize when you made a mistake. You
used to hug me whenever you can so that people don't come to me. You
used to hold me tight whenever I pushed you away with all my strength.

What happened now?

I don't know when did you stop running after me when I run away. I
don't know when you stop trying to soothe me. I don't know when I
start apologizing for the mistakes that you made. I don't know when
you don't even care whether I cry anot. I don't know when you stop
hugging me. I don't know when you stop holding me.

I don't know when all these start happening. I don't know when my
tears start flowing non-stop. I don't know when you stop bothering. In
fact, I don't know anything anymore.

It's like everything I did and change doesn't seem to get your
attention anymore. I am tired. I am upset. I am disappointed. I don't
know what to do anymore. I can't control me tears.

I don't know what to do to please you anymore. Everything I did, I
have you in mind. But... What about you? It's just work in your mind.
You don't care about me anymore.

Baby, I am really tired le. Please give me a break. Please tell me
what do you want from me. I've tried my very best already.

2010-09-16T02:03:00.001+08:00

I'm leaving Singapore for 3 days in less than 12 hour time from now.

All I want from you is to spend some time with me and make me feel
better when I'm sick right now.

But when I called you at work, you didn't pick up. I text you,
needless to say, you didn't bother replying.

You only called me when you've finished work, and I've already text
you to tell you that I'm asleep.

You came back home, blamed me for not picking up the call when I have
not even blamed you yet. You woke me up, now I am unable to go back to
sleep. And yet, you're snoring away.

You asked me to come to you, I came to you. You asked me to lie on
your shoulder and sleep. I did as you said. But you're not hugging me!
You're just letting your arms loose behind me! And this is called hug
me to sleep?! I turned away, you asked me why. I said since you don't
wanna hug me, why ask me to come to you. You pushed the blame to me.
You said, you rush back from work just so that you can spend time with
me. And here I am finding excuses to quarrel with you. Eh, use your
brain can?! Why the hell would I want to quarrel with you?!

But when you came back, I dare say that the computer has more
attention from you than me. I cough my lungs out, you didn't even turn
around to even glance at me for once!

Is this called spending time with me?

You shut the computer down, you came to bed. We quarrelled. You start
snoring in less than 3 mins after successfully pushing the blame to
me. Ending it with, Aiyah, wadever lahz...

This is 'spending time together'?

Fine..! Wadever...! Even if I die, you also don't care lahz! You also
go wadever lorx..! Cus I'm gonna do just that to you from now on!

This always happen when I speak my mind. Stop getting so fucking
defensive can?! NBCB...!

2010-08-22T23:27:00.000+08:00

Woah! It's been long since I last blogged.

First of all, I would like to say that I've been really busy for the past week dealing with Zachery's 1st year birthday and Xeryl's baby shower. We ,Marcus and I, have decided to celebrate these 2 days together for the sake of our guest. I mean, it's not that everyone would want to come twice in a month and give out 2 ang pao in a month to a family right? So hold 2 together and hopefully, ahem, that people will give 2 ang pao for the kids. LOLS!

Anyway, I have sorta decided on the baby shower gift, the venue. What we haven confirmed yet is the number of people coming. Which are slowing things down alot. We need the confirmed number of people coming to book the catering, the size of the cake and the number of the boxes of baby shower gifts.

We are also thinking of getting some customize candies for the kids. I derived this idea from Xiaxue. Remember she did a post and video on Sticky candies? Yup, there's where I got my idea from. We are thinking along the lines of having a big bowl of candy in the middle of the table for the kids and perhaps, give out goodie bag to kids who attend with the candy and some other stuffs like chocolate, etc.

Tell me what do you think of this idea?

Comparing the first labor and the second labor

2010-08-12T23:23:00.000+08:00

He was here for me for all the things that I have to go through for the first one. But he wasn't here for all the things that I have to go through for this second labor.

He was here for me when the midwife have to put in the IV Drip for me for the first time, but he wasn't here the second time.
He was here when I had my epidural, but he wasn't here the second time.
He was here holding my hand when the doctor stitches me up, but he wasn't the second time.
He was here for me since I got into the hospital ALL the time till I was discharge the first time, but he wasn't here for me ALL the time the second time.

I don't know why am I comparing all these when I already know that I have the best husband any girl would die for in this world. I guess I'm just a tiny tad unhappy that he has to busy himself with something so that he won't be by my side. I don't know what's wrong and I am unhappy with it. I just feel that, I doesn't matter as much to him as before. Yes, now I get things I want, last time I don't. Now, I don't feel that he's spending enough time with me. I mean, I understand that I cannot have the best of both world. But, come on, I've just delivered! I need all the moral support I can get from my husband!

I was transferred to the 2-bedded ward after the first delivery and he stayed with me through-out no matter what the nurses said! He stayed beside me, got chased out, so he stayed in the corridor, got chased out again, went down to the first floor and slept on the sofa till the guard woke him up at 0830hrs, than he came up to stay with me. For this second delivery, again, I was transferred to the 2-bedded ward after delivery, and after settling me there, he told me that he's going home to sleep since he can't stay. The first one, no matter how much I told him to go home and rest, he just refused. Now he said he wanna go home himself. I was too tired to argue with him, so I just let him be.

The next morning, he did not come at all. No calls, no sms, nothing! If this happened to you, won't you be pissed? He called me at 10+am and said he's coming, on his way in fact. I called him at 12+ noon and asked where he is, why said on the way at 10+ am, till now haven't reached, he said he's having lunch with his colleague. I was damn pissed and he still got the cheek to ask me why the fuck I'm so pissed.

Strike all the previous text out. I tried telling him how I feel about the whole thing and he ends up having excuses for everything as I expect. Ohh well, who ask me to know him so well to be able to read him like a book... And who ask me to love this man who can come up with ridiculous reasons for all his actions. And who ask him to dote on me so much that I can easily forgive him on most of the things that he had done.

The Pain of Labor

2010-08-08T23:57:00.001+08:00

As most of you may know, I've successfully given birth to a healthy baby girl at Mount Alvernia Hospital on 07 Aug 2010 at 0349hrs. But most of you do not know the actual process of labor. So here I am, trying to recall and blog out everything that happened during the process of bringing her out into this cruel and harsh world.

As usual, I was about to fall asleep at 12mn with the husband by my side, but I was feeling really uncomfortable. How should I put this down in words? It's like I have this naggy feeling inside me and I just can't find any words to describe it. I told the husband about it and he just told me not to worry and everything will be fine. After saying this, he promptly fell asleep and snored. Me? I closed my eyes and listened onto his steady snoring which after all these years, I've grown accustomed to it, so accustomed that at a point of time, when I didn't hear him snore, I am unable to fall asleep. Anyway, I was trying to sleep when I felt 2 sharp pain/pressure on my uterus. I thought it was the braxton hicks contractions
, thus giving it little notice and wishing hard for it to pass away soon. But to my surprise, it did not go away, in fact, it stayed there for like 30 sec and soon after that, I felt a gush of water coming out from my vagina. I thought it was the pregnancy discharge which you will feel gushes of water coming out through out the pregnancy, but it wasn't. My water bag burst! I woke the husband up immediately and he was so blur when I told him what happen. He was so lost and basically, he just doesn't know what to do.

I told him to get me a towel, so that I won't wet the bed and he was panicking! He asked me where is the towels. -.- Obviously it's in the toilet, isn't it? Well, anyway, he was really supportive in the 'pushing' part but not as supportive as when I was delivering Zachery. Anyway, I got him to make a few calls for me when I was cleaning myself up to go to the hospital. He called my doctor, he called the hospital and he called his parents, I called my mum on the way to the hospital.

Upon reaching the hospital, the husband went ahead with the admission paper works while I was being pushed into the delivery suite and changed into the hospital gown.

Midwife came, check the opening of cervix and informed me that it had already dilated 7cm. Meanwhile, the contraction pain was killing me and I asked for epidural, which the midwife that the anesthetist might not be able to make it on time, and even if he does, the medication might not have enough time to work as it needs 20-30 mins for it to take effect. There I was lying on the delivery bed, willing the baby to wait for an hour or so. I keep telling the baby, please wait for awhile more of you love mummy, you're hurting mummy and so mummy needs the anesthetic to bring you out to this world.

Miraculously, the anesthetist managed to come in 10 mins time as he was nearby and able to give me the epidural in like 30 mins time and during this 30 min, I was breathing in laughing gas when the anesthetist was doing his thing. I was feeling super high after breathing in 3-4 breath of the gas and after i guess the 10th breath, I was away into lala land. Everything was slower by 3 sec, I know, cus I sort of counted my real life breath and the breath I heard in my head. There's this sound that the machine make when you breathe in with the mask on, like on TV shows, that's how I counted my real life breath. The room was quiet, and at that point of time that I'm away feeling high, the silent was deafening. That's when I realized how loud the silent actually was. I felt the anesthetist rubbing my back with some cottons soak into some sort of liquid and it's really cold. I heard the sound of him rubbing, I heard the sound of needle poking into my skin, I heard a sort of beeping sound that goes, beep beep beep (regularly), then, it suddenly beeps really fast, and after 3 sec, it goes, beeeeeep (long and non-stop). Like when someone died, the machine can't detect the heartbeat and at the point of time, I thought I died. I wasn't scared, I didn't regret anything that I've done and not done. I realize that it was probably cus I lived my life to the fullest and am ready to go with no regrets.

What about you? Would you regret anything when you die? Would you be scared? Would you pray for more time to be given to you so that you can do more things for people that you care about?

I heard the nurse saying that I've passed out and I heard the anesthetist saying that I did not passed out, it's just that I'm too tired, I fell asleep. I couldn't differentiate what is real and what is not. I do remember that I hallucinate. I saw the anesthetist standing at one side with the staff midwife, chit-chatting. I wasn't angry at their sub-standard service, in fact, I was looking at them and just smiling to myself crazily, and they were saying things like I have a crazed look. Hahas.. I wasn't offended. In fact, I guess even if you insulted at my parents, you stab me or whatever you do to me, I won't be offended. Lols.. I mean, that's how I feel!

But I do not like this feeling of high which I have no control over. I ask the husband, is this the kind of high drug addicts feel when they take drugs, and he said yes, why, am I gonna take drugs just cus I like this high. I said no, I don't like this kinda high so I'll never take drugs.

So well, the pain is slowly going away, I'm starting to shiver, my legs are becoming numb. This is what I want. No pain delivery. Felt the urge to push 30 min after the epidural, told midwife, check cervix, opened at 8cm and was told not to push first. So I was fighting the urge to push and after 5 min, the midwife check the cervix again and am told that I'm fully dilated and am able to push at the next contraction. After 4-5 pushes, I couldn't really remember after the laughing gas, they said that they can feel the head of the baby, but she's not yet at the opening.

In the end, the doctor vacuum her out and stitches me up. She was purplish black and covered in a white substance. It was all really gross and I couldn't feel any love for her. The nurses said it is natural and after they clean her up, she will be really pretty.

She weighs 2.915KG, 50cm long and have a head circumference of 34cm.

2010-08-01T01:43:00.000+08:00

I have no idea why people at the age of 30+ will still bring their mother out when they are out with their boyfriend. I mean, once in awhile is okay. Once in awhile, you bring your mum out for dinner and shopping, it's okay, but all the time? GOSH! There must be something wrong eh.. Who would bring their mother out EVERY TIME they go out with their boyfriend?!

Even I, also don't bring my mother out ALL the time. The only time I'll bring her out is when the husband initiated it. And we only go for dinner and window shopping. I don't bring her to the husband's side's relative's place, nor do I bring her to my friend's place. I mean, you turn up at your friend's place with your mother and your boyfriend/girlfriend. Isn't it weird?!

This is so RIDICULOUS!

2010-07-24T16:02:00.000+08:00

Today is suppose to be out date. But you are having a company dinner tonight. So, in what way is it a date when you have to either

a) Send me home at 5+, so that you can prepare for the dinner, or

b) Leave me somewhere alone till you finish your dinner.

How about standing in my shoes and think about why am I so upset today and chose not to tell you about it?

So what if I tell you how I feel? All you'll say is this is company dinner, what can I do? I got no choice. Can't you try to be more understanding, etc etc etc...Yada yada yada... And it'll all turn out to be my fault again.

You got no mood to go for movie anymore also my fault, when you are coughing like mad and I'm not enjoying myself at all. If you had taken the Chinese medicine, which you yourself choose to buy at the medicinal hall yesterday, on time, you would have been much better today! I asked you nicely have you finished your medicine, all I get is, It's very bitter, I don't want to drink. I'm not going to see a western doctor or take any western medicine after this. Come on! Western medicine, you say not good. Chinese medicine, you say too bitter, you don't want to drink. Then how the hell are you going to get better?! Tell me lahz!

I don't like injections, I still must have it, for the sake of your daughter. I don't like eating medicine, I still have to take it ON TIME for the sake of your daughter! Can't you just finish the medicine for the sake of yourself?! So that you won't cough till so fucking hard? Keep coughing very shuang arhz?! You know you are coughing fucking badly, yet still want to smoke! Then now I know I'm very pregnant, can I smoke too?!

讲你两句，你就不爽。不讲你，你又说我不关心你。你到底想要怎样?!

If you were the one who has to stay home everyday not being able to walk about and have to confine to the bed alone, without your partner to accompany you, how would you feel?

If your partner promised you a day out alone, just the 2 of you, and at the eleventh hour, tells you that he/she has to attend a company dinner and thus, not able to spend the whole day (e.g 12nn - 12mn) with you, how would you feel?

If your partner comes back home, and all you want to do is to tell him/her what you have found online when he/she is not around, and all the replies you got is some grunts and sounding very irritated with you, how would you feel?

Some of you would have been really angry/pissed off at all these. But frankly, I am not pissed or angry at all. All I'm feeling right now is just plain disappointment.

But you, as the person closest to me, says that I am angry over these kind of stuffs. I am not.

I keep everything to myself to avoid quarrels. I keep everything to myself to not spoil your mood/day. I keep everything to myself and pretend that everything's alright, for the sake of you. And all you can tell me is, I am petty and I shouldn't be angry over all these things which you are not able to choose or have a control over it.

Well, I really don't know what else to say if you insist that I am angry over these minor things. After all, I can be disappointed, can't I?

2010-07-23T22:06:00.001+08:00

You know of my previous post of breaking the husband's high score and he re-broke mine again? Today, I broke his score again! By a margin of 50 in the Classic mode!

I went for my routine gynae check up today. I can stop taking the medicine, I have to continue taking my Iron and the baby is a healthy 2.4KG now. The doctor says that if the baby choose to come out anytime now, it'll be very safe already. So that's one thing off my mind right now, not that I have alot on it to start with. Hahas..

I saw this name necklace here.
The husband has so kindly said that he will buy for me! I'm mad happy can?! On top of that, he agreed to buy me a new camera! I've been raving and wowing over the new Olympus E-P1 camera after XX wrote a review on it. I'm totally into effects and stuffs in my compact camera. After talking to my primary school friend after cameras, he told me that SONY had launch a new camera 2 months back. Same price as the Olympus E-P1, but it has a better feature.

And I bring to you, that camera, SONY NEX 5!

top view

back view

I know it has a boring black body, the lens is ugly, etc etc... But according to review , it has alot of special features! It's like a mini DSLR. Only that it doesn't have an external flash, it's lens is change-able, etc...

And it cost $1,120 for NEX 5K (all rounded lens)!

I'm soooo gonna make this my 'Pro' camera... lols!

A sense of Euphoria

2010-07-19T02:06:00.001+08:00

I felt a type of 'high' when I broke the husband's Fruit Ninja score that afternoon. I took 3 days to break his score. But this feeling of 'high' didn't manage to last me till the next day.

He broke my score, that very night. Yup, you didn't read it wrong, it's that very night. I was shocked beyond words that he could so easily break my score. Not 1 mode, but the 2 modes! He broke my Classic high score and my Zen high score! I was totally speechless.

Ohh well, I guess he's just lucky. He got a dragonfruit at the start of the Classic mode and he's always been better than me in the Zen mode. So... He's just lucky...

Anyway, enough about the game.. Let's move on to the hospital stay.

I'm alone the whole afternoon and night. I think I like being alone. The contractions came in the evening earlier on, it was so painful that I woke up from my sleep. Got transferred to the first stage labor ward.. Got observed there for about 3-4 hours.. And the doctor finally decided that I should rest in my room instead of the labor ward. Which I totally agree! I think I'm getting anti-social. Hahas...

Lyon brought his laptop for me, but he couldn't pass to me cus I was in the labor ward. But, he said he'll pass to me tomorrow if I have to stay for another day. I guess, there's a really high chance of me staying another day here.

I am really worried about the hospital bill. As of this morning (18/07/10), the bill came up to 1.5K already. That's excluding 18/07/10 itself. Imagine I have to stay till I give birth... OMG! I really can't imagine how much the bill will come up to...

Well, I gotta get some rest now.. The nurse is coming in anytime to check on me now.. Night people! おやすみ、みんな！
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Pre-mie!

2010-07-18T00:44:00.001+08:00

It all happens after I had my massage yesterday. Went to the toilet, pee, clean up. I thought everything was alright till I spotted some blood on the toilet paper...

I tell you, I was damn cool about it. I called up my mum, told my mum about it. She asked is it a lot, etc... I replied her questions calmly and she told me to monitor it and see how it goes. If there's a need, I'll have to go hospital. After hanging up the call with mum, I called my gynae. He told me to go straight to the hospital.
So off to shower, and waited for Nicolle to come pick me up to send me to hospital.

Once admitted, got into delivery suite, was feeling damn hungry. Asked for food, but they say kitchen close for the day. Really FML at that point of time... Got Nicolle to get some food for me from the cafe downstair. Ate my food, gynae came in, made some checks, told me cannot give brith, cus baby's lungs not yet fully develop. So I need to take med every 6 hour to stop my cervic from opening, 2 injections for baby, to help baby's lungs to develop fully just in case she die die want to come out within these few days.

She's a fighter, I tell you. Not fully develop still wanna come out.

So I've been in the hospital since last night till now. For the first time, I really hope that I can be discharge ASAP! I wanna play my FB game! I miss my room! I miss my bed! I miss everything at home..!
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2010-07-09T19:43:00.000+08:00

Why am I always the one waiting for your call?
Why am I always the one who don't receive replies from you?
Why whenever I call you, you don't pick up, and when you called me back or picked up after a few calls, you are not apologetic at all?
And when I don't pick up your calls, replies your SMS, you will get angry. Haven't you stand in my shoes and try to see from my point of view?
I feel like a small child in your presence. I feel like I need to get your approval in everything I do, and when I don't, I get upset (tho' I don't show it out).
It's like everything have to go and be done according to your way. When I suggest otherwise, you will get defensive, angry, and insist on doing it your way. Is it your ego acting up or is it just in your blood like your mum?
Whenever I text you, I won't get any replies when you are the one who asked me to text you when I have something to tell you. It's just so different. I don't like it. When we were still dating, you would reply to my SMSes like immediately and when you don't, you will apologize about it. But now that we are married, you don't even bother replying and when you does reply, it's always 'take good care of yourself, love.' and nothing else. Is it cus you are bored facing my everyday? Is it cus you don't love me anymore? The topics between us is always about your job and the kids. Nothing else. Whenever I try to talk to you about me, you will be like totally not interested in what I do at all. Whenever you called while you're at work, it's always 'hey baby, I reach the vessel already. Here got no reception, I'll call you when I'm done with paperwork. Anything SMS me. Love you, bye'. And all I got to say was 'Okay, love you bye'.
When you're done with paperwork, you'll call as promised, but the conversation will go 'Hey lao po, I finish my paperwork already. I'm going to sleep liaoz. Call you tomorrow when I reach shore. Love you, bye'. And again, all I got to say was 'Okay, love you too, bye'.
I text you, you don't bother replying. You text me, I haven't even got the chance to read the message, you call me and demand to know why I didn't reply your message. WTF?!
Now, who can tell me, what kinda 'healthy' relationship is this?

2010-07-07T01:18:00.000+08:00

I'm due anytime! YES! I'm so excited! Finally! I always get questions like am I scare of giving birth, is giving birth painful, etc... And I always answered with a 'No, I'm not scared of giving birth. After all, if you are scared of giving birth, you still have to go thru with it and the fear of it will make it worse. So I chose the easy way out of it, but relaxing myself and go with the flow.', "giving birth is not painful at all as I had epidural. I got no contractions, and the only time when I felt pain was when the baby's head is coming out, and when the nurse insert her whole hand into my vagina to check my cervix opening. That was the experience of my first child, Zachery, as you all know. As for this pregnancy, I honestly don't know whether it will hurt anot, every pregnancy is different and for this pregnancy, I'm more xin ku (tired, bodyache, etc..). And I've got Haxton Bricks Contractions too! Which hurts like hell. It feels like a balloon turned into a basketball inside your stomach. That's how it feels like.' These will be my usual replies.

Ask me the same questions now, I'll probably tell you the same answer. I went for my last check up, my gynae actually says that tho' the official EDD (Expected Due Date) is on 27 Aug, he's actually expecting her to come out on late July to early Aug. My mum predicted within 3 weeks. So I can now officially say I am due anytime now! =D Which means that, I have to got thru the confinement shit again, like no plain water, no cold water, no showering (yucks), etc... I can't remember the rest of the rules as I didn't follow them religiously the previous time.

I'm eating way too much now and I can't help but eat and eat, I just feel hungry all the time. And my mouth will water whenever I think of food. Funny how pregnancy can make you right? And people says, when you start doing/eating things that you normally will not do/eat, you are due anytime.. lols.. Usually I can't stay home all the time, now I can, I just don't feel like going out at all. Usually I don't eat much, but now, I feel like eating all the time. hahahaahs... This actually explains my sudden weight gain.

Okay, I shall just end here and go watch my DVD.. :D

XOXO

Gel Nails

2010-07-01T00:36:00.000+08:00

I went to Wen Luxe Spa to get Deniz to do my nails for me. I asked for inlay Rose design, but ended up getting glitter French gel nails instead using sequins. I don't mind having glitter French nails instead of inlay rose as I got no time today and I didn't know that it's gonna take 3hours. But I am really disappointed with his work today. Go google Deniz Lee, he won several awards and he's well-known in this industry and he's capable of doing a set of nails perfectly. But this time, I don't know what's wrong with him, his work is just not up to standard.

The sides of my nails, is crooked, is jagged to feel and the nail bed there, supposed to be smooth, it's lumpy. Initially, I feel that he's the best in nail art, nail extension. After I met JunYing, I think that she's better. I dare not confirm this till... Now, I definitely won't go back to Deniz to get my nails done, he charge me $182 (with GST) for Gel extension and the French tip. WTF?! $180, I can get JunYing to do something much more nicer than what he has done now! The extension is nail tip extension, mind you, not structured extension. If he did structured extension for me, I wouldn't have been so pissed and so 'bu fu' to pay so much!

Argh! Totally not up to standard. Looking at my nails from a distance (normal viewing distance) is still alright. But to feel it and look at it up close, I really want to die.... OMFG!!!

2010-06-27T18:44:00.001+08:00

Woke up to someone being pissed at me. Just cus I didn't tell him that I'm gonna meet a friend with my mum for dinner. The thing is that, we haven't even confirm the dinner meeting yet. And it's not like he didn't make the same mistake before. I reminded him of the exactly same mistake he did before, he again, got very defensive. It's like, you're not working today, shouldn't you ask whether I have any plans or not before planning anything at all? You always insist on sending me to my appointments, but I'm always late at them all thanks to you.

Great, today I got massage appointment at the function place, and I'm late for 1 hour cus of you. And cus I'm late, they got no free therapist, thus I can't get my massage.

I know it's nothing much, not a big deal. But it's always this case! I'm tired of being late all the time! I don't want to depend on you to send me to places! I am able to go myself and not be late!

I am pissed at you for being pissed at me! Why should I tell you of my plans that are unconfirmed? You always tell me to tell you after I confirm, so now, not confirm, why tell you?

I really don't understand what you're doing... It's like you can do 'these' things and I can't!
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2010-06-26T14:18:00.001+08:00

FML! YES! I'm finally able to write something on my blog using my computer! The past few weeks, I haven been able to update my blog using the computer, thus I have to resort to penning down my thoughts and feelings using my iTouch, in HTML format! *I'm just super lucky that I didn't tear my hair out posting those few previous post*

But right now, I'm tearing my hair out over my blogshop! I can't seem to be able to find a suitable skin for it that works well with IE and Google Chrome and basically every Internet Browser available!

I've been at it since I woke up this morning. Painstakingly edited 3 skins that i found on blogskin and all 3 doesn't work. I chose not to give up after the first one didn't work, so I went to look for a second one. The second one is not working either. And I found a super nice, third one. And... You're right! It's doesn't work on IE too! I do not know what the fuck is wrong with those skins!

So feeling lazy the other night, I went searching for people who design skins for websites, for blogs, etc. And I found one. I sent an email, asking for quotation, the guy replied me back almost immediately asking me what kind of design I'm looking at or thinking of. And, I was so bored, I immediately replied hoping to get a quick reply from him too regarding the quotation. But the sad thing is, up till now (3 days later), there's no reply from him. No news, nothing! Kinda disappointed tho'. There I was, thinking that I could probably hire someone to do the skin for me, and he (angel-like) step into my view and offered to help for a fee, and after I stated what I want in my skin, he (miraculously) disappeared! I guess I should just go look for some one else who's more interested in doing business with me bahz... HAHAS...

Anyway, the past weeks had been really busy for me. I've drop my Spanish and Maritime course. Of course, the Maritime people was surprise that I choose to drop it. She keep dissuading me from dropping it, and even told me that I can opt for deferment, BUT, I have to request for it through email. In my mind, I'm like, for what send you email to request for deferment? Afterall, you're going to approve it without giving it a serious thought. So, I told her that I'll drop her an email, and I promptly did it that night.

Start of Japanese Language Basic II, and I miss Angeline! Now, I have no one else to bitch to in class. Ended up pairing with this Viet girl named Linh. She's so fucking smart can?! Came to Singapore on scholarship getting her MBA! *jaw-drop* when I heard that! She speaks fluently and I feel so stressed up and depress when we are doing conversations! She can write Hiragana, Katakana and Kanji! How the hell she does that when I'm just starting to write in Hiragana?! The moment the sensei say something, she can just write down in these 3 without thinking! Whereas me, I have to pause for a mo' before I can write. Really FML man!

Eh, I planned this post to be about my rants on my blogshop skin lehx.. How come it became my whole life story?! HAHAS!

Enjoy reading! =)

P.S: Bought a new Gucci bag yesterday. The husband bought it for me! And I love it so much!

P.P.S: Did my eyelash extension too! At FEP, recommended by Rykiel and KayKay... Dan Dan is really damn good lahz! And she's like really fast!

2010-06-21T02:32:00.000+08:00

It's Father's Day today.
But Zachery's father was not around as he had to work.
So we didn't celebrate Father's Day.
I chose not to wish my dad as I feel that there's no point in doing so. He has got another family outside, he chose to left us when we were young, and he only looks for me when he needs help from me. Guess what?! He didn't bother wishing me on my birthday every year. I know all these sounds really miniscule to some of you out there. But to me, it's a really big deal.
I mean, as a dad, this is not what you should present to your kids! Which father can let his own children to his/her own devices outside without stepping in to help them? Which father rather see you die outside than holding out his hands and guide you to the world out there? Which father, walk out of a family because of a MAID? An ugly maid some more. You walk out because of a pretty maid, I got nothing to say, but an ugly one?! OMG! You should really FYL can?! Think about it this way, if you didn't divorce mummy years back, you'll be a really xin Fu man! A grandson, a son-in-law who respect you alot and a grand daughter on the way! You need not have to work so hard anymore! But yet now, you have to toil so hard for a pri sch kid whom we doesn't even know whether is it your flesh and blood, as we all agreed that he doest look any bit like you at all. After working, have to go back home and face your wife who quarrels with you over small little thugs and gets fucking jealous when we come to visit. What the hell is wrong with her?! Must she feels so insecure?! Come on! If she feels insecure, than why snatch other people's husband in the first place?! Get an unmarried guy and marry him lahz! U Grad so what?! I bet my money that she bought the U Grad Cert instead of sitting thru the exam. HA!

Now, my father have to suffer niaping the child up, instead of Xiang Qing Fu. And he totally forgets about me till he needs my help. I should really start becoming stingy towards others. Not lending them money and keep sayin that I'm poor so that they won't come askin me for help which is never returned.

Yup, I'm gonna do just that.

2010-06-17T01:21:00.000+08:00

Okay, I've been meaning to write this post for a long time. But I didn't have a chance to. Partly cus when I log in using my desktop, I'm not able to write anything at all when I come to this page. And also cus I've been too busy to write. I'm like having classes everyday now. Every weekday afternoon, I'm having Japanese Language class, Maritime studies on every tue and fri. And spanish language on every mon and Thursday. I'm really glad that I have no evening class on Wednesday, cus Glee's showing on that day! Hahas! And I've been trying to do up my blogshop too. Which up till now, no business yet.. Except from a few frens who bought from me. Well, most of them who bought are the husband's frens.. :) There's this really nice girl in class, she offered to buy my skates and 2 of the mask that I'm selling. Which really makes my day. Well, I am not hoping for much, I just want steady business, regulars who buy from me. That's not asking for too much right? I've spent money on adverts and it cost a bomb! Like seriously! And now, I'm like financially drained. So I need business! Help me promote can?! Pretty please?! No capital now = no adverts = no sales... See how terrible it is now? Haish...

2010-06-06T22:11:00.000+08:00

Ahh... How long has it been...? A week? Well, I haven't been attending my Japanese language class religiously everyday. I've been MIA for about 3 days straight from the Japanese lesson. I went for my routine gynae check up on Wednesday. The doctor so kindly tells me that I'm anemic, which might post a problem during delivery. I might lose too much blood and thus landing my life in danger. Which also explains why I am having fainting spells and feeling giddy all the time.

Other than these 2 problems, the baby's doing all well. She's weighing 1.1KG now (as of Wed check up).
It's Sunday today, and I've actually draw out my itinerary on Saturday. And I haven't got anything done yet. Argh! No mood to do anything the whole day up till now. I was suppose to finish up my Japanese homework, find some more materials for my Marine Insurance assignment and do up my blogshop . But till now, at 10pm, I have not accomplished anything yet. Feel so lazy out of a sudden. Hahas...
After posting this post, I'm going to do my blogshop and than perhaps find some material for my assignment and complete my homework.
Okay, that's what I'm gonna do...

2010-05-30T22:53:00.000+08:00

It's Sunday today. Another 1 and a half hour, it'll be Monday. I'm happy and sad at the same time. Hur hur.. Sounds confusing? Fret not! Cus I'm about to explain it all to you! =D
The long weekend has passed by so fast. I was home the whole day ALONE on Friday.
Saturday, the husband manage to come home for a few hours cus his vessel got delayed. So, we went back to my mum's place to fetch Zachery and the maid here (our own place). But before coming back home, we went to Parkway Parade to get some groceries and Zachery's daily necessities. Brought Zachery to Pastamania as the father wants to eat pasta, as usual, he ordered the Aglio Olio, which I don't think it's nice or special at all, can't seem to comprehend why he loves it so much. I ordered my Banana Dessert Pizza and Chocolate Mousse. I fed Zachery with some Chocolate Mousse and... He loves it! Kept asking for more. But as it was about time to feed him his dinner(bland porridge with loads of nutrition), I can't feed him more in case he don't want to eat his dinner. So, he was making loads of noise, and the maid brought him for a walk to quiet him down and to let the diners dine in peace.
Came back home, showered. As i lay on bed playing Plants VS Zombies on my iTouch, I fell asleep. Funnily enough, I didn't realise that I actually fell asleep until the maid woke me up asking me about some stuffs. And... I couldn't get back to sleep after that. So I woke up, did some homework, read my book, played my game... When I start to feel sleepy, I look at the time. It was OMFG 6.30a.m! And I'm not asleep yet! How amazing is that?! It's been years since I last 'tong4 meh2'.
It's Sunday now. I've got a long day tomorrow, starting with having to wake up at 8a.m. Heading to class at 10.45a.m (w/o breakfast) or 9 a.m (w/ breakfast). Jap class starting at 11.30a.m at Shaw Centre and will continue all the way to 5.15p.m. Going for dinner (not sure where), then I'm off to Spanish Class at Orchard Building from 7p.m to 9p.m. Well, it's totally okay for me to have the whole day mapped out. But the husband is not working tomorrow. And I don't have time for him.. -.-" Now he's complaining that I don't have time, when in the past, I am the one complaining. hehe...
*Never knew revenge taste so sweet (devilish grin)*

2010-05-22T18:42:00.000+08:00

Today, hubby's not working technically. But he only reach home at about 11+am. And he's got another job at 9pm later. Actually we planned to go to the Navy Open House today. But hubby's tired and haven't got a good rest for a really long time till he's coughing like mad now due to not having enough rest. So, I suggested 'nua-ing' at home today. To be frank, I myself am quite tired too. What's with me so busy for the week and coming weeks. Hahas... So, he came home, had his lunch, bought lunch for me, and when I woke up, he went to sleep. He told me to wake him up at 3pm so that he can spend some time with me. But I choose not to. In fact, I did some housework when he's sleeping. And I finished reading the papers from cover to cover. =)

When he woke up at around 4+, I've done almost everything that has need to be done, except for bringing out the garbage and vacuuming and mopping the floor in my room. Cus hubby is sleeping inside. Now he's awake and making me really nice dinner. He's so cute when he just woke up. He said, 'let's go out for dinner.' I'm like, 'Huh... I thought you said you wanna cook for me?' He then replied me, 'Oh yea.. What you want to eat ? I go take out now.' I go, 'Oh never-mind. I take out already.' And then he goes, 'Wah.. *accompanied with shocked look* So fast arhx..' And I'm like hovering around him smiling sheepishly.

You know, I actually feel good to write out everything that I want without any restrictions. =)

Ohh well, below are pictures of Lyone's Birthday from last night.

2010-05-22T04:22:00.000+08:00

I've just reach home from a friend's chalet. It's his 21st birthday. And as usual, he got totally dead drunk. Why is it that people always get drunk on their birthdays? Can't they just stay sober? Or maybe it's cus that they are still young and still thinking of having fun and partying? But having fun and partying doesn't always need to get drunk, right?

Well, anyway, his party was kinda a letdown... People organised birthday parties with alot of people around and stayed till late or perhaps even stay the night. But his... His frens are so... (I can't think of a right word to describe them). They left like what... Half an hour after he cut the cake. And he's left with all the mess and six of us there to accompany him. I wanted to leave early too initially, but after seeing that so 'many' people choose to stay, I decided to stay too! See?! I'm so nice, I stayed tho' I was tired. He thought that I'm gonna stay through the night, but I can't and I won't. I hate staying at chalets. It's okay to go there to have fun and mingle around, but it's not fun to stay and have to help clean up the next morning. I hate cleaning up after people.

We were playing up/down and he just keep losing and drinking. And he offered go drink for me if I lose too, which is very frequent. And he got drunk on vodka and blamed us for drinking vodka when he's the one who took out the vodka and sprite. So there I am, sitting in one corner of the bed and sipping on my lemon barley. Can you believe it? I got heartburn from drinking too much lemon barley! Lols!

Enough of the birthday. I've got a long week this week. And I'm very happy with it tho' I'm very tired. It just makes me feel good... :D I'll be having an even longer week starting next week. What's with my nihongo class every afternoon, Spanish class every monday and Thursday, and marine insurance class every tue and fri..! :D I guess hubby's gonna complain that I got no time for him already. Hehe...

I guess I'll just end here. I really tired and sleepy already. Gonna go blow dry my hair and turn in for the night.

XOXO

2010-05-18T00:27:00.000+08:00

Trying to change the design of my blog. But it all just doesn't seem to work. Ohh well, I might get someone else to do everything nicely for me. Though I'll have to pay for it, but at least I know that it will turn out nice and will be an original one. First, I must find someone who provides this kinda service and find out how much they charge. Perhaps, I can be a full-time blogger too! LOLS!

Today I went for my first ever Japanese Language Class at IKOMA. Lemme tell you guys, if you wanna learn Jap, IKOMA is the place to learn. The teacher is a native nihon jin and she's totally cute and funny! The first sentence that I learnt today is a form of self introduction. It goes like this, 'Hajimemashite. Watashi wa Sammi desu. Dozo yoroshiku.' It means, 'Nice to meet you. My name is Sammi. How do you do?' We were asked to practise that with our partner a.k.a the person sitting beside you. Angeline (yup, that's the name of the girl who's sitting beside me) and I were repeating it over and over again till we were both finding it really funny and was discussing about how funny it would sound if we were to say that in english over and over again. Hahas...!

Been having heartburn really frequently recently. I think it's cus Zacheria's getting bigger, thus pressing on my stomach, making it smaller and more gastric juice making their way up my esophagus, and causing me to have heartburn. I hate heartburns. It makes me feel so friggin' uncomfortable and unable to concentrate on anything at all. Urgh! I'm into my 5th bottle of Gaviscon for the past 6 months already. Hahas...! The company which produce Gaviscon sure do earn alot of my money. So does Elancyl. Been using their stretch marks cream and toning scrub everyday. I'm onto my 3rd tube of stretch mark cream and 2nd tube of toning scrub for this pregnancy already.

Today's my mum's birthday. Marcus and I brought her out to Jumbo at East Coast to eat. We had loads of food, including crabs, xiang ba bang (don't know what's that called in english), kang kong, spinach and sweet and sour pork. I got her a mixer from Courts, but i forgot to bring out. FML... Well, I'll pass to her the next time I see her. My elder bro didn't join us, he said too far. What a filial son is he... Mum's birthday, he's not in camp, rather stay home to fuck his bimbo GF rather than come out and have a free dinner with mum. =) I feel so unlucky and ashamed that he is my brother. My mum called me few days back and said that he doesn't want to download fruit ninja (a game for iTouch and iPhone) for mum. Reason being, I have already paid for the game, why can't I give him my iTunes password so that he can download for mum for free. And guess how much is the game... It's.... USD$0.99! Convert that to SGD, it's only SGD$1.34. And he got the cheek to claim that his bank account doesn't have SGD$1.34. It's not that I wanna shame him here. But come on! You're 22, you don't even have SGD$1.34 in your bank account?! I believe that no matter how poor a person is, he/she will have this amount for their bank balance. -.-" Anyway, when he gave that excuse, my mum shoot him back saying she will return him SGD$2 if he download the game for her. And... Yup, he still refuse to. Which 22 yr old guy with a GF, will still ask his mummy for money all the time and when she doesn't, he complains that she's not been giving him money. And not only take money from mummy, he also take money from daddy. ALL THE TIME. How not to be ashamed to have this kinda brother when I am giving mummy money and lending daddy money?!

Okay! Enough of complaining. I gotta go mug abit for tomorrow's evening Maritime Law exam and memorize tomorrow's Jap Class spelling. I love it when I'm this busy with endless stuffs to do rather than sitting around doing nothing. =)

Long Overdue Pictures

2010-05-15T00:43:00.001+08:00

These... Are the Birthday Presents that I received this year including a super huge bar of Hersey's Chocolate which I didn't manage to take a pic of cus it melted before I got home. Stashed it in the Fridge the moment I reach home.

Solemnization

Solemnization Dinner

Zachery at 2 weeks old. Ahh.. I miss it when he's that young. Tho' he's a monster when he cries, but I still love him loads..!

First time eating porridge at 4 months. Now at 7months 3weeks, he no longer takes milk in the day. A glutton, like his daddy.. hahas..!

Bullying his daddy at 6months plus.

Looking at this photo reminds me of why I fall for him in the first place. Love it when he wears his polo tee with the collar turned up like Eric Cantona.

I don't think I'm all that bad myself too! =P

P.S: All my Photos are not edited. Tho I would like to have edit some of them, but I can't, cus I don't know how to photoshop, neither do I have the program... =)

2010-05-14T23:51:00.002+08:00

Went to Orchard Building, Asian Skin Solution, for Cosmolight therapy treatment today. I planned to take a train there, but it was raining. So ended up taking a cab there instead. It's located in the office building. The service was good and I signed a package... Thus, now I am very poor le.. *sob sob* How I got to know about this anesthetic clinic? It's thru REEBONZ.com! They got amazing offers on all the time. Gucci, Prada, all the big names etc... The price there is amazing. But there's a catch, it only last for one day to three days, so you will have to act fast in order to get all these amazing deals. Trust me!

Hubby went to work this morning, late morning in fact, so I'm not complaining. At least he manage to sleep with me last night. =) I am contented already. It's Friday today. I'm not outside, and here I am.. Nua-ing at home.. hahas..! How is it possible that they don't have nice shows on TV on Friday night? I thought they should broadcast something nice for people who are staying in and planning to spend the night in front of the TV like yours truly.. *ahem*

I went to sign up for my Spanish Language class today also.. It's also located at Orchard Building. Class is on every Mon and Thur, 7pm-9pm. My Maritime Studies' class is on every Tue and Fri, so it doesn't clash. Just that almost everynight I'll be in town except for Wed.. OMFG! That means I'm gonna miss the 9pm show too! SHIT! Why didn't I thought of that?! NVM... HRUMP.. There's always xinmsn.com! HAH!

This post is so random... lols.. I'm still trying to figure out how to link my facebook and twitter to my blog.. hahas..! I suck at this! :D

I think tomorrow I shall just stay home and do some housework. The floor's getting abit dirty and there's a lot of hubby's tees that needs to be iron, I wanna mop the floor too (if possible). Mum's birthday is coming. So is my exam. And guess what?! I haven even touch my notes/books yet. LOLS! I'm gonna stay in and study tomorrow.. No more Computer and PSP and PS3 and iTouch and TV for me till I finish revising.. *keeping fingers crossed* Ohh yah... I went to Art Friend today to buy the protective film for my gadgets. I bought the glo' in the dark glue too..! But it's washable. They don't have the non-washable ones.

Taka got lingerie sale! The Triumph bras are freaking cheap lahz! hahas.. Bought a few also.. I think I spent close to 1k today..! OMGOMGOMG! Must save money from next week onwards already! Cannot buy things already!

2010-05-11T19:25:00.003+08:00

Tell me, who spend the eve of their birthdays alone, birthday itself quarreling and end of birthday alone? I have the darn answer and the answer is... *drum rolls* ME! =)

How 'cool' is that? Awesome! Isn't it? hahas....

My days are already spent alone, so is the same for my birthday and most of the 'festive' days. How wonderful! I can be named Lady EMO liaoz..! hahahas....

Deep inside me, I feel that I am a really sad geek. Spending my days alone, doing things alone, everything also alone. No-one to talk to. Ahhh... Friends.... I have a lot. But... True Friends....? I don't think i have at least 3... Sad, isn't it?

Even my dad, my own dad, didn't bother wishing me a happy birthday. He called me this morning when I'm still asleep, I was surprise that he called, perhaps is to wish me a happy birthday, but.... NO! He called to complain about the trouble my younger brother got into at school... -.-' How sweet of him.. I'm totally 'touched'... hahas... Wonderful eh... My own family members... None of them wished me a Happy Birthday except for my mum and my hubby. The elder one called me earlier on, I tot he's gonna wished me a Happy Birthday, instead he called just to ask whether I am going home or not, just so he can bring his gf over. My younger bro, even more power..! Give me a whole load of trouble to settle for him on my 21st fucking birthday.

Whose family members can be as bad as mine? So, appreciate what they are doing/did for you. Appreciate them. You'll never know when they are gonna leave this world. Life is unpredictable.

Dear Lord above, I am grateful for such 'wonderful and awesome' brothers and father. Please keep them coming. Thank you. Amen

2010-05-11T18:34:00.002+08:00

An unhappy birthday this year. Which is not a surprise to me at all. Just like any other year, we quarreled again. You know what, I should have just went ahead to class and not spend time with you, let you go find your own program and such. I am so disappointed in you. In the supermarket, you asked me to finish my chocolates and tidbits fast. I am the only one at home, you are the one who choose to buy so much, I am the only one eating it and the fridge is full of it. How the fuck do you expect me to finish it all when you keep buying and I can't possibly keep eating right?! Use your brain can?

Reach home from supermarket, you found the heater on. Yes, I left it on, cus you said that we are only going out for awhile to fix your car and lunch. Did I expect to come home so late? If I were to know that we were to come back so late, I would have taken my shower before I went out and off the damn heater when I went out. What's with your attitude sir? Please keep it in check and I'll appreciate it very much sir, thank you. If we did come back after an hour or two, and we can just immediately shower, get changed and go out again as planned. But we came back late, thus the change of plan. We ended up staying at home for the night (no, strike that out.) it's evening. You're going to work later, which is really... Thanks alot dude. Counting down to my own birthday alone, spending an 'awesome' birthday with you, and ending the day alone. You know what, might as well, you go do your own stuffs and i go do my own stuffs. I think that this way, we can both avoid quarreling with each other, other den that, we will feel more happier too.! Don't you think that this is an awesome, outta this world, idea?

2010-05-11T00:19:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday to me

Happy Birthday to me... ~~~

Happy Birthday to me

It's my actual 21st birthday today. And I am spending it alone at home. How EMO is that? hahas.. I realise that for the past few months, my days are usually spent alone... I dine alone, I shop alone, I hang out at home alone. Everything's being done alone. How pathetic is that? My friends tells me that they envy my life, don't have to work, yet can buy everything i want. They said that if they have a life like mine, they would be contented. I told them, No, you won't be contented. Cus you have to be alone most of the time, cus your bf/hubby will be so busy with work to spend time with you and you guys will have alot of quarrels just cus he got no time for you and your kids. Yes, you may be rich, you may have everything you want, but, is it worth it to give up your social life for it? you have friends, but they are all busy working/studying and can't accompany you all the time. when you are upset, no one has the time to listen to you, you have no one to talk/turn to. Is that the life you want? They all replied me firmly with a yes. I always said, well, when that day do come, we shall see den... hahas...

I mean, come on! It's my 21st birthday today, I have not receive a single birthday SMS from my 'friends'. Yes, a few have wished me on facebook, but those that wished me are not really closed friends of mine. 'Friends' that I cared about, didn't bother turning up at my party last weekend. 'Friends' that are not closed and I don't cared about, turned up, and these are the people that I drink with. Those that didn't turn up are those that i tell my problems to. Mui Ling aka Georgina, was really nice, she's one whom I tell my problems to, she's prepared to come down all the way to Sentosa just to celebrate with me. JunYing is also nice, tho' she just a girl that I've came to know recently and been doing my nails for quite a while.

Well, anyway, this post is suppose to be pathetic birthday.. hahas.. Here I am, sitting infront of my desktop, looking around me, I realise that I have everything. But, there's still the feeling of loneliness inside me. I look at my bed, and I realise that I've been sleeping in it alone most of the night. I lie in bed at night thinking about my life. I don't want this kind of ALONE life, I want my husband to be around me when I need him, I want to share with him all the interesting things that I saw when I am outside walking around, I want to be able to have at least 3 meals with him in a week. Is that too much to ask for? hah... In fact, I am actually thinking of doing up a calender, making a mark on those days he is able to come home and sleep with me from the time i sleep till the time i wakes up. So far, the only time he does that was yesterday, 10 May 2010. I am happy about that. See, it's not that I am not an easily contented person, I am!

Alright, I shall not whine so much on my birthday... hahas... Again, Happy Birthday to me..!

2010-04-23T17:43:00.002+08:00

you know... for the first time in my life, i'm actually stumped for words.. i know that i'm in the wrong after thinking through the whole incident and putting myself in your shoes. i called without the intention of quarreling with you. for the first time in my life, i feel worried for you, i feel scared. yet, when you chose to pick up that call which I've been trying to get through to you, i am stumped for words. i want to apologize, i want to explain and make you understand and less pissed, but it just got stuck.. for the first time, i truly can't find any words to say to you which will make you feel better. well, i know now that whatever i say, you will only get more angry and nothing will go through your head.. i just hope that when you've cooled down, you'll gimme a call or something..

am i getting...

2010-04-18T22:27:00.002+08:00

okay.. so here it goes.. am i getting old? i seem to get sucked into the baking and cooking world.. i no longer Google for 'in' items, instead, i Google for recipes.. RECIPES! OMFG! can you believe it?! RECIPES! hahs! i didn't realise it till earlier on the husband was asking me why am i suddenly so into the 'kitchen' stuffs.. the kitchen used to be his territory.. whatever i want in there, he will whip it up for me except for the ones that i can just grab and go from the fridge..

i tried baking cookies and sorbet.. lemon and lime sorbet.. i don't know how the sorbet would taste like so i was actually having qualms about mixing in 5 lemons and 5 limes.. lols.. it came out too sour! lols.. but still edible lahz.. not bad for my first try in the kitchen doing serious cooking le lahz! lols....! the cookie was fucked up... i'm suppose to end up with round, crunchy and golden brown cookies.. but instead of that, i ended up with rectangular, soggy and dark brown cookies.. which is totally inedible.. it was looking good when i had the mixture done.. but the husband placed too much dough on the baking pan.. lols.. fine, i got the directions for mixing the dough wrong too.. suppose to add in the ingredients one by one.. but i add all in at one time and mixed them up.. going for another attempt at it again when i have the feel.. lols..

New module started.. New assignment.. New exam... New stress.. sigh.. how am i suppose to get my assignment done and study for exam at the same time?

I went online and bought like 2 pairs of dolly winks.. top and bottom = 2 pair.. paid for by the husband.. initially he agreed to buy me 2 and added on another 2 when i was ordering.. but i removed it and he has to give me money for the 2 that i didn't order. so it's kinda like i buy 2 and take the money for the other 2 instead of products.. got an email saying that they've received the payment and will be sending them out in the next 1-2 working day.. so i will receive it in about 3-4 weeks time bahz..

can't wait for the day where my dollywink and threadless tee and all my online stuffs got send to me.. muahahaha...!

2010-04-12T00:08:00.000+08:00

i think that as we grow older, there will be different cliques in our life.. who does stay with you for as long as you live other den the partner that you share your marriage vows with? even that person might not be with you for the rest of your life since the day you met him/her. seen too much people around me saying that their pri/sec/poly/jc/uni cliques got drifted apart and ask why. maybe cus it's just too hard to actually keep in contact given their hectic and busy schedules? leaving it to tml, which the 'tml' doesn't actually comes. people does move on, so does friends. only friends that does not move on without you are worth your care and concern and they are your true friends who you have to keep dear in your heart....

Miscommunication or misunderstanding?

2010-04-09T05:18:00.002+08:00

There's so much I wanna tell you. About how I feel, what I want and what I think. But whenever I Touch on this topic, you always manage to get agitated and angry. I don't know why... You said I am ruining this relationship. But may I ask, in what way am I ruining it? You think that a marriage is a sacred thing, I don't. But that doesn't mean that I do not want to work out this marriage, to make it last forever..! Baby, I am really exploding soon, I am sick of keeping every known feelings and wants and thoughts to myself. Perhaps that's why I turn to the Internet, facebook and Twitter to release it. To keep myself sane. I am really very tired already. You said you like talking things out with me in a calm way, but you're not calm when it comes to me talking about my emotions. I don't know whether is it just you or is it the same with all guys. Whenever we manage to talk calmly, it's always you who's talking and me listening. When you've finish your piece, the whole conversation will end. I do not know whether continuing trying to change myself to the kind you always like will be better or just go back to my old ways would be better. In fact, I don't know anything anymore. Is it misunderstandings between us or I have kept quiet for too long that has caused miscommunication between us?

Fellings that are hard to comprehend

2010-04-08T03:25:00.002+08:00

the first pregnancy is over.. the second starts without having a rest.. the first pregnancy, i put on 20KG of weight, thus i'm fat. the second pregnancy comes, and i'm continuing to put on more weight, thus i feel fat. looking at myself in the mirror, i just feel like vomiting. i can't bring myself to touch that fugly body if i were a guy.

the stomach has ballooned and full or stretch marks. the thighs are fat like a pair of elephant's leg. the arms are flabby like a middle age auntie. the face, needless to say, is as round as a ball.

you said as long as a man loves you, he won't be bothered by your physical beauty. true, because i've got no physical beauty at all for men to even take notice of. I AM A BIG FAT FUGLY WOMAN! thus, no guys will ever take a second look at me. you know, it feels good to have you just hugged me and whispers in my ears that you love me for who i am and not hug me cus you want sex, whispers in my ears that you love me cus i gave birth to your kids. this just makes me feels like a sex machine and that you're with me cus i'm the mother of your kids. i do not want to feel that way. why can't you understands?

you said that if you happen to fall for someone and feels that you'll be happy being with her, you would tell me and we shall get a divorce and you will continue giving me allowances till i remarried or have another bf. what makes you think that i will remarry? you said that a marriage is sacred to you, so is it to me! i don't want to end up being divorce like my parents and like your parents!

you want me to get along with your mum, i tried.. i really tried my utmost. but it just doesn't work that way. i give in to her in every way i can, i even lied to myself that i only see her a few times a year, but she just gets more and more overboard! She compares me to Esther, i already keep quiet. She starts comparing Zachery to Esther's children! i absolutely hates it when people make comparison between anything/anyone related to me to anything/anyone who i don't give a shit.

you said you want and loves to go to nightclubs and drink with Dave they all. but you can't go cus you scared i'm angry. you are the type of person who does wad others are doing and wants to do it the best. you are easily influenced. at least that's wad i notice. you said tho you go nightclubs, you wont bring the girls home and just want to see how they get themselves silly. let's just be frank, you are a guy, won't you get tempted by those bitches? let's say, i go to gigolo clubs with my frens, wad will you think? would you allow? when i say i didn't touch the guys, i really didn't touch. yes, they make me very happy by complementing me, praising me etc.. but i don't 'diao' them flowers, neither do i get really close with them! i don't know how to continue this with you, i just feel that we're really different.

you said you wanna be yourself, but you couldn't. cus sometimes, you hate yourself also. even you hate yourself, why would you want to be yourself? why don't you want to change? you said you force yourself to change to the type that i want, but you're not, so why bother...? i want a meticulous, smart, clean and hygienic and healthy, listen and take in and act according to my advice bloke. you're not. you've got bad breath at times, and dirty and digs nose in public and unhealthy, lazy and always choose not to listen to my advice. so why bother changing when you're doing it all wrong? just be yourself..

i want to be myself too! but i'm afraid that you will be angry, that's why everything i just keep quiet.. i always ask you whether you've noticed any changes in me, you always said yes, and the answer will always be you change your temper a lot.. last time you always throw temper, now you don't.. ever wondered why? reason being i'm afraid of losing you! why, you may ask.. i don't know the true answer to this. but, these are the reasons that comes to my mind when i ask myself that question. much as i do not want to admit it, it just stuck there. there must be some reason it got stuck. well, they are, i don't wanna lose a man that i gave up everything for, i don't want to lose the finance that comes with you and i don't want to lose the luxuries that it comes with you, tho' the luxury part isn't much, it's all just create by myself.

there's a lot of times, i asked myself what will i do without you, just like you love to ask me this recently. i have no answers to that at all.. my mind comes to a blank when it reaches this question. after pondering, the answer will be i guess i'll just end my life as i see no point in carrying on when I've gave up everything for you and you just discard me and leave with another woman. if there's no way for me to die, i'll probably go bonkers..

you know... i'm not as strong as i seems to be.. i just don't want to show you the weak side of me. i don't want to ruin your impression of me when you first met me. a strong and independent girl. in fact, i am not strong, i am not independent. i used to drink to forget and run away from my problems, but i realise that drinking doesn't solve the problem, it only worsen it. it only helps to drag it. till now, i still want to turn to alcohol to run away from my problems. i am scare.. i am scare of what's out there. i am scared of problems. but the more you protect me, the more i want to go out and find out what's there. but then again, i am scare of what's out there.

you said that i always cry when we quarrel, do you even know the reason that i cry? i'm heart broken and very angry. you don't see me crying when i quarrel with others. that's cus they don't matter to me much, you do! you matter to me a lot! i don't care much about how my 'frens' treat me. but i do care and get really sensitive to how you treat me!

you said i'm not giving you enough sex. i want to give you sex. i want to make you feel good. but i can't really do that without giving myself a thought right?

it's not easy for me at all to come to terms that i have a kid (going to be 2) and married at a young age of 20. it's not easy for me to pop Zachery out like it doesn't hurt me a bit or doesn't affect me in the bedroom sense at all! i really don't know how to explain all these to you, but i simply hope that you read it, you understands it. i want to be the kind that you love and can't get enough of, but it's hard! given that i don't feel sexy at all and am fat and flabby all over.....

sigh... my hands are really tired from typing these much, but i really do hope that you try to understand me and my thinking. i'm sure both you and i wants to work this marriage out.

you know, I LOVE YOU, i really do................

i'm back~~

2010-04-08T02:41:00.002+08:00

it's been so long... i thought i had stop blogging for good.. but it turns out that there's a lot of times when i feel a really strong urge for blogging. take getting ROM-ed for example, there's a strong urge for me to blog.. but i just refuse to blog.. this time round, why did i choose to blog.. simply cus i don't know of any other ways to voice out my long overdue thoughts and feelings..

i tried voicing out vocally.. but it never seems to work.. you never seems to understand.. you told me you are going to read my blog tml, when you wakes up.. tho' i said that you dont have to read it, but i really do wish that you will read it and understands how i feel..

let's start with Yumei's incident.. it left me speechless.. she was your FIRST love, your FIRST gf, your FIRST serious relationship.. she was your everything! you used to tell me everything.. today you told me that you are afraid of telling my stuffs.. if you are really afraid of telling me stuffs, den why did you tell me everything in the first place.. might as well just start with not telling me anything at all and when you are trying to hide some things, i won't get suspicious!

Yes, i might have gotten angry and throw my temper at you for telling me stuffs which i think is bad and blah blah blah.. but after that, you are forgiven! you don't tell me, and i found out myself, i got even more angry, and it takes longer for me to forgive you! why can't you just understand this?! it totally crush me when i found out that you contacted her and have been hiding it from me.. you even arranged to meet up with her! what if i didn't find out after all? would you still go ahead and meet her and tells me that you're going to work? both of you might not have anything going on, but it doesn't mean that people outside the box will think that way!

Lemme explain to you why:

You hide everything with her involve in.
You plan to meet her without telling me.
She's your FIRST love!

isn't this enough evidence for me to get angry and disappointed in you? you just don't get it, do you? i bet my arse that up till now, you still thinks that i am angry that you contact her! NO NO NO! I am not angry with you contacting her! I am angry that you HIDE things from me!

Secondly, I DID NOT know of any girl named Yu in your life till last night at Liquid Forty when i happen to look at your message when your hp rings. Imagine a guy that you doesn't know existed and suddenly you saw his message and his message sounds so personal and endearing.

What's with 'Don't worry about me darling. Just concentrate on your job. I'll be fine.'????!!! I could not accept your explanation simply cus it just seems and sounds like you're squirming your way out of this situation! You said you were with their group which consist of ONLY CASIN (wadever her name is) and YU! so that's not exactly a GROUP is it? I do NOT know who the FUCK is CASIN and you didn't bother trying to explain to me who she is. only say she's CAPT PANG ASST. How the FUCK would I know who is CAPT PANG? you can just point some guy on the street and say ohh, he is capt pang. and i'll stupidly believe you again.

you know.... typing this thru, i realise that there's not much to be said.. i trusted you.. you broke it.. now come this darling Yu... i don't know wad's right and wad's wrong anymore.. and i really hope and pray hard that you understands wad i'm actually going thru now..

I dont need you to say or advice anything when i talk to you regarding my feelings. i just want you to understand! you always say that you understand, but in true fact, do you really understand? or are you just saying that you understand just so that you could shut me up? i don't know..

2009-08-06T22:34:00.002+08:00

i don't even know why i want to waste my money buying assessment books for my younger brother when he is having his PSLE this year.. he doesn't even care about his PSLE, why should i care?! he only cares about playing his games and watching TV rather den his PSLE which he should be worried about. i spend the money and time in popular bookshop buying and choosing assessment books for him and yet when i bring it home and show him, he just shows displeasure at me. i mean, he is the one taking his PSLE this year, not me! it's for his own good, why can't he just fucking understands?! if he continues this way, i wouldn't care anymore either! it's like wad?! i owe him that?! CCB lahz! from now on, he want to do the assessments anot, it's not my problem anymore! i won't fucking care anymore! i'm giving up!

2009-07-27T23:30:00.002+08:00

it's been a while since i last blog.. there's nothing much to blog about actually.. my exciting and fun-loving life has become mundane and 'homey'.. been staying at home all these while.. going out only when necessary.. i.e: buying baby stuffs, cutting hair, topping up on grocery.. i feel like an auntie only that i dun look like one..

i don't know whether is it me or wad, but it seems that people around me are complaining that they are fat! c'me on! you're complaining to a once size zero girl that you're fat when she's tipping the scales?! aren't you trying to compare with me or wad?! whenever i hear people saying that they are fat, i can't help but compare myself to them! i am weighing at over 60kg right now! my tighs are fat! i can't even wear my skinny anymore! no. strike that out. i can't even wear my pants that i considered loose in the past now! i have this adidas berms that i seldom wear cus it was too loose in the past. right now, when i wear it, i can button it up, but it feels damn fucking tight! the button pop out too! total demoralise by it! i know i am pregnant now and that putting on weight is nan mian de.. but for the past 2 weeks, i only had 1 and a half meal a day. yet, i still put on the normal weight that i should put on if i eat 3 full meals a day. seriously, i have no idea why i can put on so much weight when i don't eat much at all! it's like... totally sianz lahz!

2009-06-03T22:42:00.004+08:00

i see my friend's photos with her husband and son and they seems so happy together.. can't we have the same thing too? all that i wanted from you are simple and minor things which you can't fulfil.. right now, all i ask for is a sense of security from you, caring for me especially after we quarrel.. you keep saying that you care for me, you worry about me, but it seems like after every quarrel, you just don't even care whether i die or not..

sometimes i don't even know wad's going on in your mind.. can't you just open up and speak up? why keep everything inside you? my frens tells me that we have got a communication break down, i say we are not open to each other's opinion.

2009-06-03T02:45:00.003+08:00

why are guy so fucking masochistic? why must they fucking push the blame to others when they are the one at fault? why must they point fingers at the other party for starting everything when they are the ones who started it? can't they just admit that they are in the wrong totally instead of pushing some fault to others as well?

you know, men claims that they give in to women in every aspects. but do you think that it's logical that when they give in to women in every aspects (as they claimed), they will lead to quarrels? personally, i don't think so. In fact, women are usually the ones who gives in or keep quiet about things that they are unhappy with.

i for one, keep quiet about things that i am unhappy with till i cannot bottled up inside me anymore and when i blow, you better run. he claims that i can voice out about anything that i am unhappy with and when i voiced it out, he claimed that no such thing ever happened or words being said or thoughts being thought! again, who would know that you have never for even a fleeting second entertained that particular or related thoughts in your head? no one would know, only you yourself!

i am pissed off and getting frustrated for not being able to voice out my opinion, my frustrations, my unhappiness and get it acknowledge! i want some acknowledgement instead of questions like,'when did i say that? why do you think that i will think this way?' etc... if i voice it out and lead to 'discussion' a.k.a quarrels, for fuck i voice it out. when i don't voice it out, you just fucking assumes that i am okay with everything that you've decided for me like a father decides for his young and ignorant daughter! i am no longer a small girl! i am carrying your precious little baby (and little girls can't do that)! i can make judgements and wise decisions(in my eyes) for myself! i don't need you hawking around saying the same thing everyday like 'have you taken your supplements? must drink more water. remember your meal.' puh-lease... i am not a fucking busy executive who is so bloody busy with work that she forgots her meals and forgot about getting hungry. i am not a toddler that needs to be fed water and supplements/medications! why are you asking me to take my supplements and meals on time? just cus that little precious baby of yours can absorb and won't go hungry? what makes you think that i won't eat when i'm hungry? why must you force me to eat alot when we happen to dine together?

you are treating me like a fucking child! I AM NOT A FUCKING CHILD! SO STOP TREATING ME LIKE ONE! I AM A FULLY GROWN WOMAN WHO NEEDS HER THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS TO BE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERED!

what makes you think that by sacrificing your meals and letting me spend money(quoting your words) will make me happy? to be frank, i did not spend money at all. daily expenses like food, yes! but unneccessary stuffs, no! the crystals, you yourself say wanto get it for me even tho i said no i don't want it. and at the end of the day, you come blame me for wasting money on it. hey dude, i am trying to help save here, can't you be abit more cooperative? not to mention the money that you borrowed for those people, i.e: your colleague, your frens, your parents. just talking about the money you borrowed from your colleague, you spent it on returning your frens, your debts, drinking, late night cabs, hotel. and you say i spend alot. hello? all the money is with me and yet you come say i spend. you still say want to leave 650 with me for the gynae and end up with only 350. i said i want to use this 350 to pay my internet bill, you turned sulky. it's not like i'm not getting back the money by the time we need to visit the gynae. talking about to gynae infuriates me. i said i don't want to see a gynae and you force me to it. all for your precious little angel and blames me for having to see the gynae now every month. it's like WTF?!

puh-lease lahz!!! next time before you open your mouth to blame me for anything, think about wad you did that made me react that way, quoting your words, throw my temper everyday. and think about whether the thing that you did, are you in the wrong first before pushing all the fucking blame to me. don't think that just because i am carrying your precious little angel, you can blame me for all you want and i won't walk away and just ren qi tun sheng. one's tolerance have a limit. don't come threaten me with things like you will just dump me just cus he cannot tolerate my temper. i am not threatened by you!

也许你可以很理直气壮地告诉全世界的人你已尽力了，但错还是在于你。就因为你先犯错，你就得忍受。

2009-05-24T02:49:00.002+08:00

it's my fault again... my fault for keeping the child like you ask me to, for being unhappy with the way things turns out, for voicing out my thoughts, my displeasure. you always point out my wrong, but did you think about wad lead me to saying things that are unpleasant to your ears? did you think about wad you said that lead me to thinking things that are the opposite to wad you actually meant?

personally, i think that all that you've mentioned when you're voicing out your displeasure, you just want me to change till like your boss, Chris's wife... 'tho you always say you don't want me to change you anything. if you don't want me to change, why do you always tell me wad you're unhappy with? you said you are always the one calling me till you feel fucking frustrated.. den don't bother calling me! ever thought about why i didn't call you when you're working? reason being simply cus i don't want to disturb you when you're working and whenever i call you, talk halfway, got disconnected! i got frustrated about it too! so might as well i let you call me when the network's better or when you're free! that's wrong too?! that's my fault too?!

you're comparing me with others which i don't like and i have never ever compared you to other guys and criticise/blamed you for things... i can simply abort, to quote your words, our flesh and blood and ignore your pleas to keep it. i am having a hard enough time to keep it and change my free and easy lifestyle to something restrained and constricted! you keep saying that you understand/know how hard is it for me, how difficult is it for me, but in fact, you do not understand/know it at all! if you know it, you would have understand me better...

you know wad, if it's really that difficult for you on your side, just forget about it. i'll just put it up for adoption.

2009-05-12T00:42:00.002+08:00

my birthday has just passed... spent half of the day at home... and the rest of the day outside... started my day by having a fight with that useless and lazy cousin.. followed by ruining my own make-up and spoiling my own day.. den went to suntec.. with bro and marcus.. went to eat korean food... play arcade... eat kenny rogers... and while at kenny rogers, i was concentrating on an intriguing conversation between two guys.. and i told marcus about it.. and he got jealous about it.. claimed that i was concentrating on them the whole time i'm eating, which is so not true.. i'm concentrating on my food which is totally normal.. just a passing remark that one of the guy just ORDed.. and he got pissed... which i totally don't understand why and see no logic to it.. if he were the one looking at a certain girl and made remarks about her, i won't get angry and in fact, i will just make comments about her and look at her together.. c'me on lahz!!! it's their conversation that i am always making remarks about lehx.. not the guy lehx... since you want to get jealous over this small thing, i also got nothing to say..

it's my birthday. what makes you think that i want to celebrate with your frens? you think i don't want to celebrate with my frens mehx? you think i know your frens very well mehx? you think i clique with them mehx? you think i don't even want to celebrate my birthday at all mehx? i am helping you save money lorx... i keep it to myself for wad? just so i want you to feel better and think that i really don't want to celebrate! for wad i think so much for you? change so much for you? for myself arhz? or to make you feel better?

fuck it lahz.. i say so much also no use.. you also won't change! everything is forever my fault.. i keep quiet, never make a big fuss, also my fault.. keep my temper in check also my fault.. choose not to talk to you in case i throw my temper at you also my fault.. everything is my fault.. you've got no fault at all!

2009-04-22T00:35:00.002+08:00

I am so Pissed off!!! you are the one who ask me to keep the baby. i tolerate everything instead of showing how unhappy i am. i change for you. yet, just cus i wanto go see movie with my fren, something you've watched, you are angry. you said you are jealous. but this word 'jealous' doesn't give you a right to talk to me in that kind of tone! you can throw temper at me, nothing wrong with that. i throw temper at you, everything's wrong with that. i tolerate and tolerate... end up...??? you only say i've turned back to my old ways! FYI, if i were to turn back to my old ways, i would have kicked up a fuss instead of just keep quiet! FYI, if i were to turn back to my old ways, i would have screamed my head off at you instead of talking to you in an even tone!

yea lahz yea lahz!!! everything also my fault! i keep quiet one side to avoid quarrel, my fault. i throw temper, my fault. i tolerate, my fault! not getting married, my fault. not in good terms with your dearest mummy, my fault. everything that goes wrong in this relationship is my fault. why don't you just stop whatever you're doing, think back again, is it really everything my fault? it takes 2 hands to clap. there's 2 side to a coin. look at your left hand, if it doesn't co-operate with your right hand, you can't clap. if there's only 1 side to a coin, it won't be a legitimate coin, you can't use it. there's always 2 or more sides to a story, it all depends on how you look at it. it takes 2 person to work out a relationship. if you insist that i must give in to you most of the time, i'm telling you right now that i can't! i always tell you that i will not rub your EGO, i will not purposely go out of my way to make you happy. and i believe that i have told you that i am just tolerating for now.. see whether i will get used to tolerating anot. you thought i have 'changed' for you. but guess what?! NO! one's character cannot be changed, it's all about how you go and compromise with each other.

i've already said so much... to think or not to think, it's all up to you! i can't be bothered anymore. if you think that i have changed to my old self, you can just let go. I CAN'T BE BOTHERED ANYMORE!

2009-04-12T23:11:00.005+08:00

wah kaoz!!! i HATE China women lahz!!! like totally!!! they come here on work permit/sudent permit/social visit pass, acting like a fucking tourist but yet inside them they are thinking of hooking up Singaporean guys and break up family... which is why nightclubs are full of them.. the guys go there and drink, yes i understand that they just want some fun... but China women can't seems to keep their hands to themselves!!! no matter how the guy dress, how the guy look, as long as they see money in their pocket, they will do all means to hook the guy! which kinda explains why the divorce rate in Singapore is so bloody high... i always urge Singaporean women to keep a close eye on their husbands and bf.. they don't listen and end up, their relationship just fall apart mostly cus of other women, be it Singaporean women or China women.. but i like to think that it's the China women causing riots here.. why must they come to Singapore and break up families?! do they like it when their family is broken by some third-degree countries girls? NO! They don't like it also!!! why must they be such a WHORE and a cheap WHORE at that?!

STUPID CHINA WOMEN!!! GO BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY AND BREAK YOUR FELLOWSMAN FAMILIES INSTEAD OF CREATING HIGHER DIVORCE RATE HERE!!!

one tip for you CHINA WOMEN out there;

GO FUCK YOURSELVES, AH TIONGS!!!

2009-04-08T17:22:00.002+08:00

must things turns out this way? sigh... is there really no other way out? sigh... this world is really unfair.. to think that all these while i'm thinking that i can make things more fairer between the two sexes, female and male.. it's unfair that a woman has to carry a child in her stomach for 9 months and after that have to care for the child. and all the while, the guy can continue drinking, smoking, doing enjoyable stuffs while the woman is there doing the mundane things... when the child is born, the guy just brings home a sum of money every month and take it that he has already done what's expected of him.. sleep thru the night.. the woman has to wake up to feed the baby... take care of it in the day... thinking about it brings shivers down my spine. it's like a no holiday job... not allowed to take leave, holidays and everything... slowly, the woman will turn to huang lian po and the guy will be having mistress and stuffs... and thus end up in divorce... no wonder the divorce rate in singapore is so high... cus of china woman, nightclubs and everything...

2009-02-23T00:45:00.002+08:00

is this really the end? do you really not want IT? are you really going to be that heartless? thousands and thousands of questions on my mind... I'm just asking you one simple question out of so many questions... 'Why do you care?' you can't even answer me.

you kept saying that you are not the one who has let me down, i am the one who disappoint you. when i felt let down, i didn't even make a single hum, yet, every time we quarrel, you will say this. i am sick of this stupid sentence. think about it, every time i throw my temper, did i say why i throw my temper? i kept quiet when i throw temper and not scream about simply cus i am keeping things to myself to not make things worse as you will definitely throw your temper also. did you realise that i'm always keeping quiet, letting you decide everything. you may feel that i am the one who decide everything, but you are actually the one making every decision. including keeping IT.

Fine with me since you want it this way. fine by me. i don't care either anymore. since you've had enough of my nonsense, my temper, my everything, go find someone who will do everything your way. stop contacting me. i don't need your presence nor your money for taking IT away!

2009-02-22T17:53:00.002+08:00

nothing's going right... am to be blamed for everything... am at fault for everything happening... am at fault for making everybody upset...

i'm sorry for giving you up... (not you)

2009-02-22T17:22:00.003+08:00

what's happening?! why must it comes to this?!

i know many people, especially that someone who is involve will blame everything on me. He thinks that i am the one who look for quarrels, threatens, and words come out from my mouth insensitively... well, you know what? I DON'T CARE!!!

where were the happier times? where is the once you that i know really well? must i suffer everything, bear with everything in the dark, silently? must i? you said i never give in, you said i am insensitive, you said i'm difficult to handle. i did give in, it's just that you never realise. i am sensitive, just that i'm straight-forward in my words. i am actually not difficult to handle. i just need my friends back, i just need a little bit of my freedom back. why can't you give me that simple thing. i've bottled too many things inside me already. you asked me why i didn't blog anymore, i told you i've got nothing to blog about. that's totally not true. i've got tons of things to get off my chest, i chose not to simply cus i didn't want to upset you if you sees it. when you see/read things that you don't like, you will chide me off, and we will then lead to a quarrel. i don't want to quarrel, i want a peaceful life!

i am happy when i know it! i want to give it a chance in this world! but why can't you just understand that i need more understanding and concern from you like you once promised me? "I love you so much..i want to be with u i PROMISE i love n look after sammi sim si teng aka baby dar dar", "Hope tat god is not trying to disturb me by giving me a chance to love u then take u away...u mean alot to me nw i cant inage losing u..i be heartbroken..u make me realise the sweet feeling of love again" These are taken from past sms-es from you to me. but yet... right now... "thanks for also letting me wake up from my dream.i been sleeping for too long already...i tired n sick of all yr nonsense ..i cant take tis type of shit any more" are the sms-es that i receive from you.

what the hell is happening between the two of us?! what went wrong?!

2009-02-09T00:34:00.003+08:00

muahahahahahaha!!!!!! Guess wad?! my hamsters, zhuzhu and qiuqiu has finally given birth!!!

all the while, marcus and me was thinking that qiuqiu is the male one and zhuzhu is the female one... so on friday, when we saw the baby hamsters under qiuqiu stomach, i was totally shocked!!! so, qiuqiu is the female one and zhuzhu is the male one.. that actually explains why zhuzhu is always bullying qiuqiu.. apparantly, zhuzhu has a really big EGO.. hahas... qiuqiu gave birth to 4 baby hamsters.. till today, i can see their fur color already.. which is really short.. hahas.. 1 of them is exactly like qiuqiu, white with a black strip down the back, 2 is black and 1 is white.. their eyes is not opened yet, and they are learning to stand on their 4 little feets.. hahas.. it's so awesome man!!!

secondly, i tio 4D yesterday, saturday. i went to buy 8489 12 permutation $10big on friday.. a last min 'ling gan'... hahas.. and it open as 4889 in starters.. i strike 208.30 bucks.. hahas... i'm so lucky man!!! hahas..

anyway, haven been getting real lucky with those new year gambling tho.. hahas.. the card game 'si gi pi' i won about a 100.. den lost it to some card game that each player on have 3 cards.. hahas... as the chinese saying goes, 'shu shao shuan ying'..

2009-01-16T19:16:00.003+08:00

i'm going crazy... what with the CNY preparations and cookies baking or whatever shit it takes.. i'm going crazy!!! trying to be a nice person here i am, and there i am kenna scolded.. WTF LAHZ!!! @#$%^&)(*&^%$#@!

help you, you don't fucking appreciate den you fucking scold me!!! it's a form of respect that when you're talking to somebody you have to look at the person in the bloody eye lorx!!! it's not like i look at them and talk den my hands never move like that.. CCB!!! eh auntie, i'm not obligated to help you at all lorx!!! so you better fucking respect me lorx!!! still say wad, i very slow... you find me slow den you do yourself lahz!!! ask me help for fuck arhz?! i don't owe you anything lehx...

CNY just round the corner and yet i don't feel like CNY is just round the corner.. don't have the feeling lehx... den everything also haven buy yet.. so many things to do, so little time!!! where am i going to find the time to do all these things?!! gosh!!! kinda resent CNY already..............

2008-11-23T23:10:00.002+08:00

East Coast Park + Raining + Fishing + Skating + Caught in the rain = FUN!

2008-11-19T05:17:00.002+08:00

I have absolutely no idea why i tends to give people the wrong impression. is it cus of the way i do things or is it cus of the way i speak...? :s

to be frank, i haven been eating well, resting well or even well recently.. been facing alot of problems and i'm solving them tactfully, i hope, myself without asking for opinions..

well, i wanna pierce my tongue later in the day.. i'm damn fucking sure of it right now.. i guess it's just a way of me trying to get another piercing on my body for the problems that i've overcame.. another phase that i'm going thru..

if i were to die tomorrow, counting the piercings that i have would have tell you alot.. perhaps not alot when you don't know me well or know me long enough. i guess it's just me to use bodily pain/hurt to mark a passing phase of my life. till this point, i've got 8 piercings on my ears and 1 on my naval. plus my tongue, i'd have got 10.. yes!!! 10!!!finally i have got 10!!!

every piercing of mine tells a story.. don't ask me what story it tells cus it doesn't matter.. even my tattoo tells a story too!

i am so angry now!!! it's like everything i do is wrong and everything is my fault! fine! i don't need you to put any hopes on me anymore! think about it, i went against my parents to be with you, after 2 months, you went for the stupid OBO, things happen at both my side and yours! it's not just me that had changed, you had changed too! you became more obsessive and controlling and EGOISTIC!!! you expect me to stay home after work and just sit there dumbly and wait for your call! you expect me to pick up your call everytime, go home early just so that you can talk to me! what about me?! don't i need time to spend with me frens too?! don't i have a right to?! my life doesn't revolve around just you! you claiim that i only think for myself.. what about you?! aren't you doing the same thing too?! it's the pot calling the kettle black!

FUCK YOU! FUCK THE WORLD! FUCK EVERYTHING FOR ALL I CARE!

A Heart Of Stone

2008-11-03T05:01:00.002+08:00

Once I had a heart of stone

For it had surley lost its home

It could not love or wanted too

But in my life, then came you.

The stones began to fall away

As happiness began to fill my day

A feeling so sweet and special too

Could this be love, I pray is true.

My heart now sings a song of love

For I know that it was sent from above

My heart is warm, there is no cold

Hard no more, but with wings of gold.

It soars above the sky so high

Sometimes I think of why and cry

My heart now sings a loving song

For the part of me I thought was gone.

The gift that you have given me

Is so important, can't you see

No more sadness or being alone

For now my heart returns to home.

2008-11-02T05:33:00.002+08:00

is love such a special thing? can love be a strength? why is it that when you're in love, you will feel at peace when you're with that special one, even when you both are keeping quiet and not talking? is there really love? i feel that love is just a certain phase of time that you spent with that special person and feel special. after that phase, it become a habit. why is there marriages? is it cus of love or habit or just pure commitment?

can anybody answer my questions?

2008-11-01T05:41:00.002+08:00

i am tired. everything i do is wrong. i am not allowed to go out in a group, one to one as long as the human being that i am with has a penis and two testicles. i am really tired. does my life have to be like all work and no play? does i have to be home whenever i'm not working? isn't that like no life? i am only 19! i still have umpteen time to play before i begin to settle down! i believfe in wark hard, play hard! not just work hard! i need to relax too!

tonight's halloween night.. last year i spent in a club, this year, i spent drinking coffee at coffeeshop... and it's wrong?! i can jolly well go club and drink till drunk, but i didn't!

2008-10-19T23:18:00.002+08:00

do you even realise that it hurts my eye to look at my phone? can't you stop being selfish and start being considerate? all you care about is how you feel, as long as you feel good, you can do it at the expense of others. you're like the most selfish person i've ever met. i regret knowing you. you're demanding, selfish, horny and an asshole! i hope you realise it and change for the better instead of staying in the same spot and wasting mother nature resources and letting everybody loathe you!

Bon Jovi - Always

2008-10-06T16:40:00.004+08:00

Always

Bon Jovi

This romeo is bleeding

But you can't see his blood

It's nothing but some feelings

That this old dog kicked up

It's been raining since you left me

Now I'm drowning in the flood

You see I've always been a fighter

But without you I give up

Now I can't sing a love song

Like the way it's meant to be

Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore

But baby, that's just me

And I will love you, baby - Always

And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

I'll be there till the stars don't shine

Till the heavens burst and

The words don't rhyme

And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind

And I'll love you - Always

Now your pictures that you left behind

Are just memories of a different life

Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry

One that made you have to say goodbye

What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair

To touch your lips, to hold you near

When you say your prayers try to understand

I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near

When he says the words you've been needing to hear

I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine

To say to you till the end of time

Yeah, I will love you baby - Always

And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

If you told me to cry for you I could

If you told me to die for you I would

Take a look at my face

There's no price I won't pay

To say these words to you

Well, there ain't no luck

In these loaded dice

But baby if you give me just one more try

We can pack up our old dreams And our old lives

We'll find a place where the sun still shines

And I will love you, baby - Always

And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

I'll be there till the stars don't shine

Till the heavens burst and

The words don't rhyme

And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind

And I'll love you - Always

Over...

2008-10-05T17:58:00.003+08:00

i will never ever bother about other's problem again. i lend out a helping hand, others will say i KPO and everything.. if they want to say that, den don't bother asking me for help on your whoever that is!

from now on, i'll just keep to myself and settle my own problems without bothering anybody's problem. i will use 'IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS' from now on.

2008-10-03T14:41:00.002+08:00

you people must have heard of stingy bosses and employers right.. well, guess wad...? i've found the most stingy boss/employer in this whole wide world..

let me share it with you.. it happens when i started working at toast box.. initially, i thought all their lime juice is ordered from supplier, fish cake ordered from supplier, marinated chicken wings ordered from supplier, laksa, mee siam (gravy) all ordered from supplier, laksa leaves ordered from supplier. to my horror, the lime juice is squeezed by themselves as in literally from the lime, the marinated chicken wings are marinated themselves, the gravies and everything is all cooked themselves!!! i thought they are just going to heat it up and add some water, BUT NO! they cook it from scratch themselves! and the laksa leaves, they practically buy it from NTUC and pluck and chopped up themselves!!! i was thinking, okay.. perhaps you wanna cut cost..

so one fine day, i was thinking how come there's no smoking area when we have outdoor seatings.. so i went to ask my manager why is it so.. cus if we have a smoking area, our business will boost.. the answer she gave me is that to apply for the license, it's very expensive.. i was like WTF?! need to cut cost cut till like this anot..

as you people knows, wed, 1st oct was Hari Raya.. as a part-timer, it's an unwritten rule in the market that part-timers who worked on PH will be having either double pay or 1.5. but NO! i got nothing!!! it's already bad enough that i have to work on PH and not get anything in return, and yet, that day has alot of customers and i was practically shouting myself hoarse so that i can be heard.. imagine this, you're paid at $5/hr, but you're working like you're being paid $10/hr. how would you feel?!

thursday, i was working, but i left early as i've already finished the things that i have to do, i'm having off on fri to sun.. but today (which is friday), the bloody manager got the cheek to call me up and ask me work at 6! i was like WTF?! nvm that you don't give me double pay, nvm that every night i work till 11 plus for you when i don't get paid, when i can jolly well leave everything and go home at 11 sharp, nvm that i'm always at your beck and call, nvm that there's a few time you ask me come at 5.30 and i started work before that and i'm not paid for it! all these are past, so NEVERMIND about it! but, if you're going to scold me today for leaving early last night, i'm going to tell you all these things and i am going to complain to the head office! NEVERMIND that i'm in a bloody foul mood these few days just cus i didn't slept well, thanks to YOU!

so, before you open up that stinky mouth of yours to scold me, think again.. and FYI, the letter of appointment that i signed, didn't state that i won't be paid for the extra hours that i've put in and the PH. plus the letter of appointment also states that i will have 2 sets of uniform, but why am i with 1 miserable uniform only?! there is so many answers that i need to my questions but yet, i have no one to turn to for my questions!

so, tell me, is this a stinky, stingy company? to me, it is! and i feel disgraceful to work there!

i'm sorry

2008-09-19T20:11:00.002+08:00

i don't know what the hell am i doing right now. all i know is that i am missing someone so much that everything that i do i don't put my heart in and do. i feel so lost.. so... no words can describe what i'm feeling. i am just so.... i don't know anything anymore.. i feel so not myself. i drink everyday, i work everyday. all for what? for nothing i suppose...

boy meets girl

girl meets boy

boy falls in love with girl

girl falls in love with boy

boy has to leave

tears rolling down girl's big beautiful eyes

boy regrets leaving

girl regrets not making boy stay

girl became really lost

girl do stupid things

girl drinks everyday

girl promise boy not to get drunk and not to drink everyday

girl broke her promise, girl went missing

boy forgives her

boy is disappointed and worried

girl is upset that girl made boy feels this way

girl is sorry
nothing the girl do seems to make the boy come back and make boy feels better.

I AM SORRY HUBBY. WILL YOU FORGIVE ME?

2008-08-24T16:04:00.002+08:00

you are going oversea on sat.

who is going to take care of me?

how am i going to survive?

you know that i can't take care of myself.

i know you can't bear to leave me too.

i know you can't bear to leave me too.

but, there is something i want to let you know.

that is that i will take care of myself to the best that i can.

and if i know that i can't take care of myself, i will move to your parents' place and stay with them.

so that you won't worry about me when you are there.

i want you to take care over there and come back safely.

i care about you like how you care about me.

you know who you are.

and i love you...

dedicated to Edwin Soo Ming Chuan! yes, again!

2008-08-22T18:41:00.004+08:00

ccb! if you really have the intention to return me the money, you wouldn't ask me to go back to you CHANGED! what nonsense is this?! you owe people money and theirs is debt. you owe me money and mine is not a debt?! wad fucking nonsense is this?! KNN! so unwilling to return den dun fucking return me lahz! i can't do much either! you got the face to see me when i go liquid den you fucking dun return me lahz!!! enough is enough!!! i want my money back means i want my bloody money back! don't understand english si bo?! want me to communicate with you in chinese or malay or any other languange tell me lahz! i can go fucking learn de! don't fucking worry about that! want me to commit into you?! you are so fucking useless and worthless! for fuck i commit to you?! you can treat me better?! like how?! bring me shopping more often si bo?! i don't need that lorx asshole! i need MONEY! COLD HARD CASH! my family are eating air already still don't wanna bloody return! still say can't blame you?! for god damn sake! you are the one who ask me and my mum not to work! now tell me i can't blame you when my family got nothing to eat! what fucking nonsense is this?! don't come crap with me lahz! if you don't want to return den just fucking say so! i won't force de! i never like forcing too!

2008-08-18T15:47:00.002+08:00

now, what will you do to get some bastard, sore-losers, whatever you call it to return you your money? cus i've got this guy who owe me SGD$4050 and refuse to pay up. up till now, he has only returned me SGD$1000 which in fact i have only received SGD$800. he claims that he loan it, but who will be so stupid to go to the bank and loan SGD$1000 only and pay a 15% adminstration fee? if i were him, i would just loan SGD$5000 which i will have enough to pay the 15%adminstration fee and return my fren. he is such an asshole that up till this point of time, he still doesn't keep his promises in time. everything that comes out of his mouth are just empty! empty words, empty promises.

would you guys even choose to trust this guy and be willing to head to Australia with him for 2 and a half years when he can't keep his words here? or choose to stay in Singapore, look for someone better (which i have already found) and live happily ever after simply without much mental stress and such?

2008-08-14T15:12:00.002+08:00

i'm in a delimia now.. i do not know whether i should go to Brisbane and study or not... my parents told me to go.. i go there for 2 years, i come back, i got a cert and a future. but if i don't go, i won't have a future.. i'll just be wasting another 2 years.. my frens told me not to go, cus they will miss me and they are worried about my safety.. so i am like in a confuse state now.. total crap!

Dedicated to Edwin Soo Ming Chuan

2008-08-13T01:04:00.003+08:00

bloody hell...

Soo Ming Chuan! stop thinking that money can solve everything! stop thinking that money can buy you everything! i am telling you right now that money can't make me care for you, can't let you manipulate me. i am with you, i am your gf doesn't bloody mean that i must let you fuck me or make you feel like king. one day, when you take over your dad's company, you will just bloody ruin it and go bankrupt!

money cannot buy you a perfect gf! what you want is not a girl like me. wild and can have fun with. what you want is a girl who is good at sweet talking, good at showing all her emotions, good at making you feel like king, good in housework, cooking, 'ang kat-ing' your family members! ohh.. i forgot! good in bed too and basically makes you feel as if you are the head of the house and agrees to everything you yearn for from me but couldn't get it.

now i am telling you, I've had enough of your naive and stupid requests! close to me mentally?! ha ha ha!!! that's is IMPOSSIBLE for you! you think wad?! i am your private whore huh?! you buy me stuffs and give me everything i want if i get close to you. i.e: kissing your smelly like drain mouth, hugging your dirty and smelly body and spreading my legs just so you can insert your hideous and smelly dick inside me! to tell you the truth, i rather not have any of those things that you claim you will buy den to do those degrading stuffs. i rather be seen with one bloke worst den you den be seen with you.

you are being made use of by those people that you claim are friends! and yet, you didn't realise that. still go believe all the rumours that they say. since you claim that you have evidence of me and Marcus, show it to me den! don't just assume! you really know how to act... I've under estimated you... for the past few months, I've never been happy. all the smiles you've seen are just entertaining smile, reserved for you only. why i change to so heartless. reason is simple. because of YOU! you pushed me into a corner, you threaten me with money. hello!!! you gamble, you lost, you no need return arhz? that is also a debt! other people's loan to you are debts. you lost to me in gamble is not a debt lahz?! i must be 'close' to you den you will return me arhz?! hello!!! i am not the one owing you lehx! you are the one owing me lehx! everybody knows that you owe money, you have to return! be it you broke up with that person already or no longer frens already. you still have to return. stop wearing the skirt can?! stop whining like a stupid bitch can?! stop being such a sore loser can?! you really throw men face lahz!!!

I'm done with your shitty actions, requests, whining, demands, bitching and basically everything which includes you! you better fucking return me the 3k ASAP lorx! i bloody owe you nothing! keep saying i hurt you, so you no need return. you hurt me, i kill your parents, you can ask the police don't charge me anot?! one life pay one life, owe money pay money! didn't your super rich, super got manners, super dote on you parents teach you that?! didn't your wonderful teachers teach you that?!

another thing is that, you tell people you wear skirt, why don't you just let another man fuck you instead of you fucking girls?! if you are really that desperate, go get yourself an escort for a whole fucking day lahz! can fuck till your dick can't stand! can make you feel like king! ohh! and you know why?! cus they are paid to do that! not me! so don't try to bribe me into doing that! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!

2008-08-11T15:56:00.002+08:00

Drugs! Sex! Booze!

sex... why can't guys just live without sex? why is it that when a guy has a gf, he will definately ask for sex be it whether the gf likes it or not. i know i've been on this topic before. but still, i do not understand.

drugs... what's so nice about drugs? why are there people out there taking it? is it really that nice? i really doubt so... it's expensive, illegal and has side effects. it makes you look ugly too.

booze... taken at the right amount is quite nice. too much gives you a hangover and a bloody headache. why so people just can't control their intake of alcohol?

2008-08-11T14:21:00.002+08:00

i hate guys who behaves like girls. and yes, i am referring to someone. you know who you are. guys out there. how do you feel when a fellow guy come tell you that they are girls and are willing to wear skirts. will it irks you? will it irritate you? will it make you feel like whacking him? as a girl, it irks me to see guys like that. frens of mine know that i can be quite sacarstic in my words. so when i meet a guy like that, i would just be sacarstic to them without leaving them with an ounce of face and pride, no dignity too.. so guys out there, don't behave this way cus it's really irritating and awful. plus it throws guys face too!

2008-07-25T16:55:00.002+08:00

listen up dude! i am the one who dumped you. you are the one begging me to take you back. what stand are you in to talk terms with me? i should be the one stating the terms and condition. not you. you are in no rights to talk terms with me at all. you want me to change den you will come back to me. for godamnsake, i should be the one asking you to change den i'll take you back. not the other way round. since you insist that i change, den we'll be back together and thus you returning me that SGD$9500. sorry, no way!

i've tried to be nice to you by asking you to return me in installments instead of one lump sum already. why the hell won't you do that? you want me to change, why don't you change first? you want me to go back to you, why don't you just jolly well, agree and abide by that 10 terms that i set you. FYI, i'm not your puppet.

Solution:
1) Pay me back SGD$9500 in installments and we will have nothing to do with each other anymore.

2) Give me back that SGD$9500 in one lump sum and i'll go back to you with the changes that you demand me to on 18th August 2008.

3) Give me back that SGD$9500 in one lump sum and i'll go back to you with the changes that you demand me to make before 18th August.

there's no way that you can convince me to make me go back to you without giving me back what you owe me first.

so your preferred solution is which one?

i am not the type of girl that you are looking for. why don't you just give me up and go out there and look for your type of girl. all you want is a traditional girl, not me, this kind of modern girl. why must you insist on holding me down? only when i've changed, you're happy. but den again, you did not appreciate me. how can you assure me that you will appreciate and cherish me when i change? i've never been happy with you, if you really love me, you would return me that SGD$9500 and just leave me and move on with your own life! not tie me down with commitments and responsibilities! you are the one who wants to get married young, not me!

2008-07-23T16:47:00.002+08:00

i may well not be going to Brisbane for my studies le. i have decided not to continue with this crazy relationship anymore lest you guys have to visit me in IMH.

what i sought after in a relationship is not all the material things that i can get from you. but the support i can get from you and all those needed and long awaited care and concern. neither a dash too much mor a dash too little. whatever you are not happy with me, i did change, but you must appreciate me and compliment me. you can't just be happy with that and move on trying to change my other flaws. which human being have no flaws? i am a human being, not a robot that you are trying to build to perfection. what you need is not a kind of girl that is me, but a girl who is like your mother. i did dream of being your wife, being the perfect wife when we get married. but right now, i am neither your wife nor your gf. so please respect my decision and move on with your life. perhaps few years down the road, something will change both of us and we will go back to each other again. but for now, i just want to clear my mind lest i really go crazy.

you can't demand me to change overnight when i have never ever demand you to change overnight. to be frank, i am not happy with you again. thinking back at the days when we are together, i find myself really foolish. i will not make the same mistake anymore. this time round, i will follow my heart. nobody can control how the heart feels and wad the heart tells us to do.

thank you for letting me step into your life and let me experience the high-end life that i probably will not enjoy for the rest of my life. please let all just be well and move on with each other's life.

2008-07-23T16:36:00.000+08:00

I AM GOING CRAZY!

2008-07-19T14:58:00.002+08:00

i have never liked talking after my grand dad passed away.. but communication has always been an important part in our life between human relations.

i've always choose to be a listener rather den a talker. i can never hold a conversation well. sometimes, i'm too straight-forward, and the words that i used are just too hurting. sometimes, i have hurt people around me with my words, with me not being tactful enough, with me not being able to express wad i feels exactly. i have no idea how to put feelings into words and i have no idea how to express wad i feel exactly. sometime, talking is quite difficult for me. i would rather write down rather den talk things out. i would rather email the other party rather den talk it out face to face.

well, i'm just me.

2008-07-18T12:19:00.002+08:00

I strongly believes that everything must go 2-ways. just like a traffic. just like the sun and the moon. for a relationship to work successfully, everything must go 2-ways also.

treat unto others what you want others to treat unto you. familiar?

let me tell you one story. it's about this guy by the name of Edwin Soo and Michelle. this story is about a very, very failed relationship.

Edwin and Michelle started off as frens. they ended up together because they were both heart-broken by their ex gf and bf respectively, and were having this stupid idea of helping each other to get out of the depression period. so they ended up together.

Edwin is demanding, controlling and wants face alot. Michelle has no lack of guys around her and she enjoys the attention that she got. Edwin can't stand Michelle hanging out with guys all the times, and always pick a quarrel with Michelle just because she hangs out with guys alot. Edwin is rich and he loves to use money to bribe Michelle to make promises.

the difference between Michelle and Edwin is that Michelle used to be a wild party girl and Edwin is an old man tho' he's only 20, he behaves like a 40. After they got together, Michelle let Edwin knows most of her frens and family members. whereas, Edwin doesn't let Michelle knows his family members or frens. When Edwin could not reach Michelle, he would call her cousin, Louis. Michelle thought that Louis would cover up for her when she's not home. BUT, one fine day, Louis changed. instead of becoming Michelle's fren, he became Edwin's fren. Louis BETRAYED Michelle. how bad is that when she's the one facing Louis everyday? How could she trust him again?

Edwin just want Michelle to stay home everyday and not contact any guys and not hang out with any guys. Michelle doesn't like being controlled. But Edwin loves controlling. Michelle changed herself for Edwin, but when she asked Edwin to change for her, he agreed BUT, he did not take any actions to change for her! Seeing Edwin not changing, not sticking to his promises, she was pissed off with him and slowly, she changed her ways of treating him too. Not changing, not sticking to promises. Honestly, it's alright, am i right? Since he did not uphold his words, it's alright for Michelle to not uphold to her words too right?

Since day 1 that they have been together, they had been quarrelling. Mental concern is so much more better than Materials concern. Would you exchange Branded goods to Mental concern? Would you rather you get Branded goods and mental stress and lead an unhappy life to not getting branded goods, having mentally cared for and lead a happy life. Which would you prefer?

Edwin wants Michelle to make him happy. Agreeing to everything he says and doing everything that he said. But he did not do things that Michelle wants him to do, even if he did, he took a really long time. Edwin controlled her till she has no space for breathing whereas, she did not control Edwin at all.

so tell me, is this a 1 way relationship or 2 way?

2008-06-28T07:15:00.002+08:00

funny how different each person are though we are all humans.. born with the same combination of everything that we hold inside us.. but why is it that people react differently when it comes to different situation? this is something that i've been pondering about for a long time... why are some people so flirtatious and some people so faithful? is it true that 男人不坏，女人不爱? hmmm... this really puzzles me.. anybody can tell me?

2008-06-25T13:09:00.002+08:00

been to bintan 3 time in this month... and i feel kinda bored already though everytime i come here, i sleep early and wake up early, but still...... i guess i's cus i came with the wrong person/people bahz.. well... the past 2 times i've been there, there's only one person in my mind. the whole while i only miss one person. who that person is, some of you guys should know.. i truely enjoy myself with him... bad thing is that, i didnt take any photos... haha...

hmmm..... but den again, went jet-skiing, wakeboarding (i learnt how to stand in the board in 1hr's time) and i get to steer the boat.. haha..... i'm such a fast learner!!! muahahaha... soooo going to 360 ski park and wakeboard... but it's really tiring.. arms like jelly now.. hahaha.. whole body muscle aching.. haha... and plus i learn how to steer the boat and got compliment from the coach!! haha....

gotta go for now.. update you guys again!!!

2008-06-15T04:14:00.003+08:00

my elder brother is finally in army.. i feel happy yet sad at the same time. it's like nobody is here to bicker with me anymore or rush to use the toilet or com anymore.. life is like so boring without him.. clubbing is no longer much fun without him and i miss him alot... really!

i am so disappointed with my mum. she has insulted my friend.. right now, i have no idea how to face her or my friend anymore.. this friend of mine is a really special and close friend. i do not deny that i have feelings for him, but still.. even if i do not have feelings for him, i would be disappointed with my mum too..

am going to bintan later.. have to be at the ferry terminal at about 10 am.. it's already 4.19am now. i have no idea how am i suppose to wake up tml or why am i still not tired.. my sister a.k.a kailin celebrated her birthday just now at acoustic, boat quay. didn't want to go down, but she called me and requested for me to go down.. i do not want and wish to reject her.. not because it's her birthday, but because i dote on her alot.. whatever she request me to do or want me to do, i will do my utmost to give her what she wants.. plus she is one of the few girlfriends that i know..

will update once again when i'm in bintan as i've decided to bring my laptop along with me.. hahas.. will post all most of the photos promptly when i'm back.. hahas.. i'm so going to try wakeboarding and all the watersports that they have there.. hahas... yes,i know i've just been there recently... but it's fun!

i do miss my friend like terribly, but i've got no means of contacting him as i've just lost my phone last night.. that's like so god damn sad lahz.. it's my new phone!! sony ericsson w960i!!fuck man! gosh! i do not wish to talk about it again.....

2008-06-11T16:02:00.002+08:00

there's alot of decisions that you have to make in life be it big or small. every decisions that you've made, it will somehow or rather affects your life big or small. right now, i'm faced with a rather big decision that i have to make. i'm afraid to make the wrong decision. my mum had made the decision for me, but i'm still afraid. afraid that i won't be able to adapt to the surroundings over there. i'm afraid that i will be homesick. i'm confuse now, and upset. i don't know what to do. i don't know how to react. any advice?

2008-06-08T16:37:00.003+08:00

FUCK YOU EDWIN SOO MING CHUAN!

JUST BECAUSE I DID NOT SPEND TIME WITH YOU TONIGHT, YOU KPKB!

SAY WHAT I NEVER COMPROMISE! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?! YOU SAID YOU CAN'T TOLERATE THIS ANYMORE, THEN WHAT ABOUT ME?!

YOUR FUCKING EXPECTATION OF ME IS ALWAYS RISING! HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I CAN LIVE UP TO THAT? YOU THINK I'M A MUTHAFUCKIN' SUPERWOMAN?!

NOW I AM FUCKING TELLING YOU THAT I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR FUCKING EXPECTATION AND EXPECTING ME TO FUCKING LIVE UP TO IT! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! DO NOT TRY TO FUCKING STRETCH MY FUCKING LIMIT!

2008-06-08T13:09:00.003+08:00

after diving!!! in my AX bikini and wetsuit just finish my lunch and waiting for the island tour which i've signed myself up for see the cute little fishes? the pale yellow thing is the half eaten apple i threw down to feed the fishes.. they must be super uber hungry.. on the boat to island touring!! the dark green patch is the corals!! the only triangle cave in the whole world

first night at langkawi.. at the beach bar.. super uber cool.. on the ferry to a small island to dive still stuck on the ferry.. couldn't go to the upper deck to enjoy the sea breeze finally, i'm on the upper deck with SMC.. the super uber clear water!!! saw the baby sharks and the countless fishes?

2008-06-04T16:53:00.003+08:00

updates!!! been really crazy these few days... went to bintan for a day and was back in singapore on monday... hahas... i shall just let the pictures do the talking.. hahas..

2008-05-24T22:09:00.003+08:00

woah!!! i didnt realise that it had been a month since i last update my blog.. muahahaha.. okay.. so here's tha updates...

firstly, it had been a crazy month.. so much thing is going on.. there's Jeremy's birthday and pressie to get.. my birthday to plan, mum's birthday and pressie to get and plan also.. i spent like 100k on just my mum's birthday.. and my birthday i only spent 1k.. and the pressies i got is like only a cap, a set of bikini, a watch, 2 necklaces, 2 pairs of earrings and a small cute little bottle of france liquor. haha... when i've invited like 30 over people to come, that all i receive. in fact from just my frens that side i only receive the cap and bikini. i have absolutely no idea that people can just come to your party, don't get you anything and don't feel paiseh about it at all. that is like so......... CRAP! *if you get what i mean*

secondly, there's alot of planning to do.. alot of things to prepare, alot of things to buy.. there's like a list of never-ending things for me to do this month.. only till now, den i felt more relax and more time on hand to do my own stuffs.

this tue i have to go into the office, wed, i need to go find a tour to go maldives on friday. which is if i'm able to find it den i'll be off to maldives on friday which is something that i'm friggin' excited about.

i have no idea why my schedule is getting so uptight out of a sudden.. it's like i have a whole load of things to do which is so..........................

well... anyway, enough of my ranting.. will continue again... i hope soon.. haha..

2008-04-22T02:23:00.002+08:00

i'm back from langkawi!!! it's freaking fun lahz!!! the water is friggin' clear and i can simply see the fishes and several baby sharks from the shore lahz!!! they don't bite so i don't have to worry about that. damn freaking nice lahz!!! i went scuba diving.. for the first time in my life!!! i touch the corals, i see big schools of fishs... the touch of the corals is like they were sucking to your fingers.. the feeling is so eeyer.. but it was fun after you got used to it.. i dived into about 8m deep.. and den i saw big barracudas and shark!!! like i say, they don't bite! after that i went up to the shore and have my lunch.. it was the worst lunch that i ever had before lahz!!! wahlau!! the bread is limp, the drumstick looks like it had been left there for god knows how many hours and the hotdog is tasteless and soggy, not to mention limp. and the nuggets were super disgusting that i have no appetite to eat though i'm like super hungry.. so we waited for my instructor to come back up after bringing the second batch of people out to diving.. and we went island touring.. ohh yahz!! we were in this small island which is named coral island (translation from the malay name which is pulau something, i've forgotten).

we went island touring.. and it was so freaking fun lahz!! we went snorkelling at the soft corals sea all the way to the japanese sea area.. as known to the divers.. well, i have no idea why is it called the japanese sea area though.. but the soft corals sea area was named for it's wonderful purple soft corals growing everywhere... it was freaking nice... by this time, the water is super clear, more clear than those that i've seen at the shore.. i can see the corals from the boat... above the sea! imagine how amazing that is! pictures will be up soon as long as i've upload them into my computer... muahahaha!!!

you people should really go there sometime. and i'm heading to the Maldives to take my diving licence during may.. if nothing goes wrong, i'll be flying on 23rd may. wish me luck!! lol...

2008-04-15T13:56:00.002+08:00

all you care about is just yourself. where were you when i needed your care and concern? you think i really give a damn about bear and smc de care and concern? all smc does is to make me go out with him when i'm sick. he doesn't even care whether my fever is burning or wad fuck shit. when he felt my forehead all he said was not that bad mahz when i feel my whole head burning. wad is this? is this the care and concern that i want? NO! wad i want is someone to ask me how am i feeling, have i taken my medications and what the doctor says and stop me from eating or drinking those things that i'm not suppose to! not someone who keeps asking me out and letting me eat or drink or go clubbing or do whatever fuck shit that i'm doing! you said everybody gets sick. TRUE! but who has fever for 6 days in a row?!

bear stepped in at the right time. he gave me the care and concern which you should be giving me instead of him. if you had shown me a wee bit of concern, i would be happy enough and i wouldn't even be contacting him. at least he appreciate me, he cared for me like he really loves me. if you really did claim that you love me, you would have been doing that and not saying that there's alot of people around me showing me care and concern and that if you do the same thing also, you will just be another guy. you will never be just another guy in my eyes. all i wanted was really simple. just some care and concern from you! is that so fucking difficult for you? NO! den why can't you do it? there's no law or unwritten law stating that you can't care for me when there are other people around showing me their care and concern which i don't really give a damn about!

dying is still the best way out! i don't have to worry about everything. i wil be stress free! how nice will it be... yea.. i should just start cutting my wrists again. look down on me if you want. i don't give a damn. hopefully, it will just be deep enough to kill me.

2008-04-11T14:13:00.002+08:00

My tears were rolling down silently
as you turned on your back
and walk away from me,
out of my life and me.
Though there's a deep hatred
inside me, I know that
I can never be mad at you
when I see you.
The smell of your cigarette
lingers on as you walk
further and further away from me.
I know that I will not be able to
see you once again in the near future
I am sorry for the things I've done,
I'm sorry for the hurt that I've caused you.
I am sorry for everything that had happened.
I know that I will do my utmost
to win you back.
But I'm not sure whether you will turn
your back on me once again.
I cannot withstand another hurt inside me anymore.
I can't afford to take any risk.
I've decided to move on and forget you.
It hurts me badly to make this decision.
Once again, you stepped into my life again.
You have helped to ease the pain inside me.
I simply Love You.

2008-04-09T01:32:00.002+08:00

THIS IS A POST DEDICATED TO BRENDA.

LISTEN UP BRENDA. YOU ARE A FUCKING BITCH. DON'T TRY TO SPOIL THINGS BETWEEN ME AND EDWIN. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHY I WROTE THOSE THINGS THAT I WROTE ON MY BLOG. SO JUST STOP FUCKING MEDDLING IN EDWIN'S AND MY PERSONAL LIVES. STOP BEING A BITCH AND HANDLE YOUR OWN LIFE WELL. I KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE! JUST WATCH OUT. ONE DAY I'M GONNA HUNT YOU DOWN.

JUST MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS! YOU WILL NOT WISH TO STEP ON MY TAIL. YOU WILL FUCKING REGRET IT! TRY ME IF YOU DARE. JUST FUCKING TRY ME. YOU CAN REPORT TO THE POLICE IF YOU WANT BITCH. YOU CAN REPORT TO BLOOGER.COM TO REPORT ME, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER FUCK TO SAVE YOUR OWN SORRY LITTLE ASS BUT YOU ARE STILL GOING TO GET IT FROM ME. JUST STOP TRYING TO COME IN BETWEEN ME AND EDWIN. YOU ARE JUST FUCKING JEALOUS OF ME HAVING SUCH A WONDERFUL BOYFRIEND LIKE HIM. JUST FUCKING ADMIT IT BITCH! OR IS IT BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST TOO BORED OF YOUR LIFE THAT YOU BEGAN TO MEDDLE INTO PEOPLE'S LIFE TOO? JUST LIKE ESTHER THE OTHER TIME. CLAIMING THAT SHE'S TRYING TO HELP US, ENDED UP LIKING EDWIN AND TRIED TO COME IN BETWEEN US. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT BITCH!

MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS BITCH!

2008-04-08T16:34:00.002+08:00

went to school yesterday.. after that i met darren.. we were suppose to meet 10.45p.m at cine.. i reach there around 10.35p.m.. and he reach at 11.25p.m.. he's so freaking late lahz!!! hahas.. den we went to E2Max to play com games.. actually wanto play HS5 de.. but they don't have the game there.. which is like really lame.. since they got the advert there but they don't have the game there.. ended up playing Dota and i got killed mysteriously.. i don't even know how i die or lose.. hahas.. den we played CS... i killed him so many friggin' times.. hahas.. went to his place to drink.. ended up stay there till this morning 9a.m.. cabbed home, shower, change den come out le.. went to clementi to meet jes for work.. which only gives out HS5 de game installation DVDs.. supposed to work till 4p.m de... we gave all out pretty fast and end at 3p.m instead.. hahas.. den now at lan shop blogging.. really sucks.. like so totally.. hahas... shall just stop here den.. i missed ET so much.. but he's been mad at me for like 4 whole days.. pretty upset about it cus i don't know where i did wrong.. so yahz... but he apologised today and admits that he misses me too.. hahas... told me quite strictly not to flirt with his colleague.. lolx...

i do not know who the hell is that "Brenda" in my tagboard.. but it justs seems like she is someone who friggin' jealous about my life and my beauty... wahahaha...

listen up Brenda, you do not know me, so don't even think about commenting on my blog and criticise me. just mind your own business.. what i do with guys that is in my life is none of your f**king business.

2008-04-07T16:38:00.004+08:00

sweetest love... <3

me and Edmund

me and Brenda....

me and ray.. we look so couple-ly.. hahahas..

2008-04-07T16:21:00.002+08:00

went clubbing on wednesday.. had so much fun.. got to know an australian guy.. a citibank banker.. he happens to be at mos on wed.. hahas.. he's quite sweet... not too bad in fact.. hahas.. he's 28.. just told mitch, my buddy on the phone just now.. haha.. and mitch actually say that me and shu bing got one thing in common.. that is we are both attracted to older guys.. which is very true in my case.. i'm always attracted to older guys.. hahas.. went out with bryan on friday.. we went clubbing at 2am in the morning.. yup.. went to mos again.. haha.. hmmm.. it was real fun.. hahas.. saw the australian guy there.. btw, his name is ramon.. haha.. we've kissed.. that's all.. nothing much happens after that.. hahas... went clubbing on sat with my bro, brenda and simone.. and it was real fun also.. while me and brenda were at the bar getting our drinks, another banker by the name of edmund talked to brenda.. we actually pulled him to the dance floor and dance with us.. hahas.. we girls suppose that since, he's standing by the bar alone and drinking red wine looking so EMO, we shall just let him join our group.. which was really funny.. he's the oldest there and he doesn't really dance that well.. so yahz.. haha... gosh.. i'm really interested in older men.. but the problem is that, i never knows which of them is really interested in me.. not my body, not my smile, but just me.. hahas.. anyway, edmund claims that i'm the one he is really interested in, but he sees that i'm not so friendly, he didn't dare talk to me.. hahas.. ohh well.. i just can't help it that i have a fierce look.. if i don't smile.. hahas.. well, in fact, i'm a super friendly person.. well... not really that super friendly.. but i do see who i am actually communicating with... try to find out what's his background and what he works as.. if i'm interested in the job that he's having or his family background, i will continue the conversation.. that may sound so materialistic of me, but i just wanto be selfish about who i make friends with.. nothing wrong with that isn't it? anyway, every single one of us are selfish aren't we?

2008-04-04T16:33:00.003+08:00

the god damn big ferris wheel... *wondering whether ET will be the one that i enjoyed it with...* My sweet cute little cats.. *sooo sweet*

The stiches in my mouth.. *you may find it gross, but i have to live with it in my mouth for 2 whole weeks*

2008-04-04T15:51:00.004+08:00

me and jes; my secondary school fren

my swollen face..

it's been a long time since i last blogged.. so much to say.. so much to rant it out here.. so much to write.. but yet, no words that are appropriate enough to be written down here.. caught up with my sec sch fren last week.. turns out that she's still the same as 3 years ago.. didn't change at all lorx.. brought her clubbing and i can see that she didn't really enjoyed herself there... maybe it might be due to the strangeness in the environment and tons of alcohol.. hahas..

i have no idea why but my vision in blurring.. and i hate this kind of straining my eye to see something clearly de feeling and look.. sigh.. someone once promised me alot of things.. but sofar, all the things that he had done, is just for his own benefits.. all is just in the name of selfish act. well.. life's pretty crazy for me.. up till this point, i still do not know what the hell he wants.. and i'm so going to bring ET into this space once again.. there's just so much inside me that's yearning to be set free, to be able to voice and speak freely. but given the circumstances, that's not possible at all.

been meeting up with ET quite frequently.. been to KTV, midnight skating, clubbing, drinking sessions or even just talk cock.. cdid alot of catching up. but it seems likehis fren DW is always there. and what i really want, is to have some private time with him himself without meeting anybody at the eleventh hour or anything.. i know this sounds crazy, but den i do miss him terribly.. please do not call me and comment on this thing.. trying to run away from this fact that i'm still missing him though he did hurt me.. but den again, i found out the real reason why he does wanna break up with me the first time. there's alot of stuffs i wanna say here.. but i just feel that by writing everything down here will be like digging my own grave..

last night, ET's been treating me coolly.. i don't like this feeling but yet i do not wish to ask him. why? you may ask.. reason being the simplest is that he will just say that nothing's wrong and will call me back later which will not happen till he is appease or he has forgotten it.. so why bother to ask when you know what the person is going to say? no point isn't it? when SMC ask me why i do not ask him questions, i just tell him simply that i know the answers and it's not that i don't care. he will den ask alot of questions with a why, when, who, where, how. if he did happens to find out about this blog of mine, he will have alot of queries.. and i will be spammed by his sms-es again.. haha.. laugh if you want, it's okay.. seriously..

well, there isn't much more that i can say rght here and i'm actually surprise by myself that i can write such a long post..